IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

‏Write a report describing the content of the text provided. Include information on the key aspects of medical history and explain its importance in healthcare.

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My Medical History: The Story of My
Health
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 I am your medical history, the record that tells your
health
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 story over time. Doctors rely on me to understand your body and provide the best care. I know your name, age, gender, and job because these details help assess your lifestyle and
health
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 risks. I
also
Linking Words
 remember your family’s medical history,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes or heart disease, to identify potential risks. I keep track of any past illnesses, like asthma or high blood pressure, since they can still affect you. If you’ve had surgeries, I haven’t forgotten them, as they might influence future treatments.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I record all medications and supplements you take to prevent harmful interactions. Every detail I hold is important, and by keeping me updated, you ensure accurate and effective medical care. I am always here to help doctors make the best decisions for your
health
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, guiding them toward the best possible treatments.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider adding a conclusion that summarizes the importance of medical history in healthcare. This would help to reinforce your main points and provide closure to the report.
task achievement
You could provide more specific examples of how medical history impacts treatment decisions, such as mentioning the role of medical history in allergy management or preventative care.
content
The essay effectively personifies medical history, making the concept engaging and relatable.
content
You have included key aspects such as personal and family medical history, past illnesses, and surgeries, which are crucial in healthcare.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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