IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that computers are more of a hindrance than a help in today’s society. Others believe that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Electronic devices
such
Linking Words
 as
computers
Use synonyms
had became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 popular all over the world for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 working capability and
to store
Change preposition
for storing
show examples
data
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a few argue that it is a growing hitch to mankind others
states
Change the verb form
state
show examples
 that it is a resourceful tool
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 people depend on
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for its exercise. I agree with the second statement as there are many positive
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 IT which is indeed helpful to the community.
Artifical
Correct your spelling
Artificial
 intelligence and
data
Use synonyms
 processors
had became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 a
non negligible
Add a hyphen
non-negligible
show examples
 part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 human life for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 valuable
assitment
Correct your spelling
assignment
assortment
. But it can
also
Linking Words
 cause certain glitches to one using it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, spending more time on these screens for work or to play can cause eye diseases and can reduce their socializing skills with others.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
relying
Add the preposition
relying on
relying upon
show examples
uopn
Correct your spelling
upon
on
 them for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 can reduce individual productivity and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 efficiency.
For example
Linking Words
, many people count on
computers
Use synonyms
 to solve their work or school
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
 rather than utilizing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their personal skills.
This
Linking Words
 can make them more
depended
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 towards
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 where they lose their critical thinking
caliber
Change the spelling
calibre
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I am in agreement with those who believe that it can contribute more goods to society despite certain drawbacks. The invention of
computers
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 made our life easier with more tools and resources to help when faced with challenges.
Such
Linking Words
 as the AI in
computers
Use synonyms
 can suggest ideas and suggestion for our questions and problems.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data
Use synonyms
 store management and social media
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 like
web chrome
Correct your spelling
Web Chrome
show examples
 and
wikipedia
Change the capitalization
Wikipedia
show examples
 have more statistics on history, geography and politics about anything around the globe
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 people can access it without seeking a library or researching
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it. In conclusion.
whereas
Linking Words
 many accept that
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 can cause more
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
, I side with those who claim that
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
Use synonyms
data keeping
Add a hyphen
data-keeping
show examples
 ability and AI
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 truly made survival painless with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 precious contribution.

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language
Ensure that verbs are in the correct tense. For example, 'had became' should be 'have become'.
content
Clarify your arguments with more precise examples and explanations to strengthen your points.
style
Avoid conjunctions at the beginning of sentences like 'While'. Use more formal language to enhance clarity.
content
Good attempt to discuss both views of the topic, showing an understanding of the complexities involved.
structure
The essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, indicating a clear structure.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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