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Writing Samples
Band 6

The tables below show people's reasons for giving up smoking, and when they intend to give up. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables below show people's reasons for giving up smoking, and when they intend to give up. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
A glance at the tables given illustrates the
reasons
Use synonyms
 why
people
Use synonyms
 giving up the smoking habit and the time when the smoker
intend
Correct subject-verb agreement
intends
show examples
 to give up. Based on an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it can be seen that getting better for
health
Use synonyms
 in general attains the first place for the
reasons
Use synonyms
 why smokers stop their habit,
while
Linking Words
 the present
health
Use synonyms
 problems
obtains
Change the verb form
obtain
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 position.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
stop
Correct pronoun usage
who stop
show examples
 their smoking habit within a half year
reaches
Correct subject-verb agreement
reach
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place, whilst within a month
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 spot. From an initial figure, the foremost
Use synonyms
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 for stopping smoking is getting better for
health
Use synonyms
 in general
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
71%, where mostly
people
Use synonyms
 who smoked fewer than 10 cigarettes
achieves
Correct subject-verb agreement
achieve
show examples
 the highest percentage
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 74%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, less risk of getting
smoking- related
Correct your spelling
smoking-related
show examples
 sickness attains the second position by 25%,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 moderate cigarettes smoked (10-19 cigarettes) gets the highest
positions
Fix the agreement mistake
position
show examples
 by 28%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the next
reasons
Use synonyms
 are considerations of finance
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
31%, the pressure from family
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
16% ,and present
health
Use synonyms
 problems
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
12%,
subsequently
Linking Words
. Fron the next table,
people
Use synonyms
 intended to give up smoking within a half year
reaches
Correct subject-verb agreement
reach
show examples
 the highest quota
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 35%. The next positions are within a year by 21% and within a month by 12%. The total smokers who intended to give up
gains
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 quota by 71%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who do not try to give up
obtains
Correct subject-verb agreement
obtain
show examples
 the least quota by 29%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, subsequently".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words reasons, people, health with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 2 times.
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