IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions? Assel

Many people struggle to keep a prosperous career and cheerful family life simultaneously. The main problem is the lack of time.
However
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, if family members help each other and employers show understanding, it becomes much easier to handle both responsibilities. One major problem is a lack of time. Work can take up so many hours and so much energy that there is hardly anything left for
family
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the family
a family
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.
As a result
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, relationships with loved ones may suffer, especially with children who need attention and care. On top of that, trying to manage everything at once can lead to stress and even burnout. Support is very important, both from the family and from the employer. When everyone helps each other at home, and the bosses are understanding, it becomes much easier to cope. Being honest with family members and employers about challenges can lead to better understanding and support. In conclusion, many people try to build a successful career
while
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also
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 having a happy family life. It can lead to a lack of time, but if family members help each other and employers show understanding, it becomes much easier to handle both responsibilities.

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improvement
Your essay has a clear structure, but try to develop your ideas further with more specific examples and explanations. For instance, mention specific ways family members can support each other or provide real-life examples of understanding employers.
improvement
Work on providing a more thorough explanation of your main points. Sometimes your ideas come across as a bit general; adding detail can enhance your argument.
strength
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
strength
You identified key issues related to balancing a career and family life, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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