IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

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‏Some individuals think that advertising is the perfect way to encourage them to perches something,
while
Linking Words
 others say that they
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not focus on what is advertised. I strongly believe that advertising
success
Replace the word
succeeds
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 in
persuade
Change the verb form
persuading
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
sales
Replace the word
sell
show examples
 something. ‏
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, an individual
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
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 to know about a new product through advertising,
such
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 as on TV or social media, and it helps the company to succeed in selling any material to a huge number in any country.
For example
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, perfume advertising is popular among all
people
Use synonyms
, even though they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not smell it. Sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 trust the adviser.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, some individuals did not pay attention to my kind of advertising. The advertised product did not influence
people
Use synonyms
 to buy it, so many of them skipped the ads when they encountered it privately on social media.
In addition
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,
people
Use synonyms
 know what is special
some
Change preposition
about some
show examples
 material without advertising when they
bought
Wrong verb form
buy
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 it from a store, so
then
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people
Use synonyms
 return
buy
Add the particle
to buy
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 it many times . In conclusion, advertising is a way some companies use it to persuade users
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a product. Individuals think it is successful to catch
people
Use synonyms
's attention, and other
people
Use synonyms
 argue about that. I think advertising is very helpful
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
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 with the wide spread of technology,
thus
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 it will enhance the profit of the company and
also
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 benefit a huge number of
people
Use synonyms
.

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Task Response
Clarify your main argument and ensure that it directly addresses the prompt. Try to strengthen the thesis statement in the introduction to clearly express your stance on advertising.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. Consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader and connect your points more effectively.
Task Response
Work on developing your ideas with more depth. For example, you can elaborate on why some people trust advertising or provide more specific examples of successful advertising campaigns.
Task Response
Ensure you maintain a balance between the viewpoints. You could provide a more critical evaluation of the arguments around the lack of attention given to advertising.
Task Response
You have clearly identified both sides of the argument, showing an ability to consider different perspectives on advertising.
Task Response
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reiterating the role of advertising in modern society.
Task Response
There are some good examples provided, particularly with the mention of perfume advertising and its influence on consumer behavior.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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