IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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Modern technology has reshaped how
children
Use synonyms
 engage in activities during their free
time
Use synonyms
.On the one hand,some youngsters
are became
Change the verb form
are becoming
show examples
 less active and spend almost all their free
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
gadgets
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 find out
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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new resources to develop and manage in their free
time
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.Both advantages and disadvantages will be analyzed before a conclusion is decided upon.
Fistly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
gadgets
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 now
are
Verb problem
have
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became
Wrong verb form
become
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 a main problem as a
time
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 killer for youth.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
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statistic
Add a comma
statistic,
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 the majority of
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 in the USA
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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struggle
from
Change preposition
with
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 obesity,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 occurs
due to
Linking Words
misuse
Correct article usage
the misuse
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 of
gadgets
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.
Linking Words
Thus
Correct your spelling
This
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,
Correct pronoun usage
this make
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 it clear that Computer games are the main problem that leads to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of motivation and develops laziness in teenagers
However
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,
gadgets
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 on
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,providing
easiar
Correct your spelling
easier
 ways to contribute knowledge in education and sport.
For example
Linking Words
, many teenagers use educational apps and online platforms to study more effectively,
while
Linking Words
 fitness trackers and sports training videos help them improve their athletic performance and stay active.As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result,
children
Use synonyms
 become more healthy and educated. Both advantages and disadvantages are equal,
although
Linking Words
gadgets
Use synonyms
 can lead to problems like laziness and obesity in
children
Use synonyms
, they can
also
Linking Words
 be useful for learning and staying active. With the right balance, technology can help
children
Use synonyms
 grow smarter and healthier.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clarifying your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. For instance, you could state your view explicitly at the end of the introduction.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are clearly supported with specific examples. While you have some examples, consider elaborating on them for clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical issues and punctuation to enhance readability. For example, 'some youngsters are became less active' should be corrected to 'some youngsters have become less active.'
coherence cohesion
Make sure the paragraphs have a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea of that paragraph. This will help with the overall logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of technology, which is a key aspect of this task.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples, such as educational apps and fitness trackers, which demonstrate some understanding of the positive impacts of technology.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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