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Writing Samples
Band 5

at the present time, the population of some countries includes a relativel large number of young adults, compared with the numbers of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, in many countries, the proportion of young adults is higher than the proportion of elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
This
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 situation has its pros and cons, it can increase creativity in the work sector.
However
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, it
also
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 means that there is a distinct risk for nations to lose their original culture and traditions. In my opinion, I believe that the implications of
this
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 case exceed the benefits. The large
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of young
people
Use synonyms
 in the population means that most of the workforce in companies are young adults, who tend to be more flexible,
in addition
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 to the fact that they have a high sense of creativity.
Therefore
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, they are more likely to have different approaches to achieving their goals and they do not commit to one way.
As a result
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, they can be better
in
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at
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 improving the company’s performance in the long term.
Moreover
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, the new generation has more knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
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 technology, and they can keep up with all the rapid development in the modern world, unlike the previous generation who are more into manual work. Especially in sectors like artificial intelligence (AI), digital art, and
computers
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computer
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 development, younger individuals are more capable and have efficient skills, and they are anticipated to be more productive. Despite the beneficial outcomes of the high numbers of young adults, the decline in the old
people
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 numbers might
afford
Verb problem
cause
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 countries
losing
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to lose
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 their national identity. Every country has its own history, which was taught to us by our greatest ancestors who passed it through the generations. Over the
last
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years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
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,
people
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 started to neglect
this
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 legacy, and it started to be overlooked. Older
people
Use synonyms
 are trying to maintain
this
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 wealth in several ways,
such
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 as writing books and novels, drawing paintings about past events, and telling old stories to teenagers and children. If elderly
people
Use synonyms
 disappeared, the new generations would not have known how admirable the past is. In conclusion, the large number of young
people
Use synonyms
 is useful in the work aspect.
On the other hand
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, elderly
people
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 hold our ancestors’ experiences and experts, which shape us as a community, so they represent a root part
in
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, and they are not replaceable. I hold the view that
this
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 situation’s drawbacks outweigh its advantages.

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task achievement
The introduction presents the topic clearly and states your position. However, consider rephrasing the thesis statement to make it more concise and direct.
coherence and cohesion
In the second paragraph, ensure to explicitly link the benefits of young adults to the corresponding impact on society for clarity.
task achievement
When discussing the disadvantages, provide more specific examples or scenarios to enhance the argument about losing cultural identity.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your points well, but strengthening the language used could make your stance clearer.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay well with clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point.
task achievement
You show a good understanding of the topic and present a thoughtful argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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