IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

1. In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Population in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
Use synonyms
 has been decreasing drastically
this
Linking Words
 is because nowadays in many nations individuals are migrating to
cities
Use synonyms
 for better lifestyles. I believe
this
Linking Words
 could be an adverse impact as it is
over crowding
Correct your spelling
overcrowding
show examples
 the metropolis. On the one hand, every individual wants to get the job opportunity they are qualified for, and it is hard for
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their potential being in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 as there are barely any opportunities available
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there;
therefore
Linking Words
 they prefer to come out of their shells and move to big
cities
Use synonyms
 for better earnings. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
explain
, computer science graduates could get
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in their specialties only if they move to developed
areas
Use synonyms
 as there are limited companies for
such
Linking Words
stream
Correct article usage
a stream
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, drastic migration of people from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to
cities
Use synonyms
 not only makes them crowded
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 results in increased prices of necessities.
The job
Correct article usage
Job
show examples
 opportunities may be available for numerous individuals, but there are limited places to live, which causes increased rates of housing in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 as well.
Besides
Linking Words
,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is leaving
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
,
due to
Linking Words
 which, agricultural industries are
being vanished
Wrong verb form
vanishing
show examples
,
hence
Linking Words
 the limitations in farm fresh food can be seen in the market;
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 reports say that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of farmers have sold their farms to companies and moved to other places for higher income. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 people are moving to the
cities
Use synonyms
 for
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 better future,
this
Linking Words
 migration is causing serious problems
such
Linking Words
traffic
Change preposition
as traffic
show examples
 and higher prices
as well as
Linking Words
vanishing
Correct article usage
the vanishing
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 agricultural industries of nations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language improvement
Try to enhance the variety of vocabulary and grammatical structures in your writing to improve the overall quality.
content development
Make sure to develop and support your main points with additional details or examples, which will provide a clearer argument for your standpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more cohesive devices to enhance the flow between your paragraphs and ensure they connect logically.
content
You have articulated a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: