IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as teachers and doctors are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What are the reasons for this trend? What effect does it have on the countries professionals are leaving?

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These days, the prevalence of
professionals
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 who leave their developing
countries
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 and reside in industrialized nations has risen. In
this
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 essay, l argue that
this
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 issue is a result of some fundamental reasons including the financial benefit and governmental
infrastructure
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 system, affecting the prosperity and well-being of their former
countries
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.
To begin
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 with, many
professionals
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 in poorer nations,
such
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 as teachers or doctors, are often paid less by the government. The lower salary or payment is not balanced or compatible with the high and specific skills those
professionals
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 have, their hard work, work hours per day, or even their devotion, loyalty, and sacrifice for public goodness. It means that these lower financial benefits have a close relationship to the issue of how the government and
society
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 show respect and
acknowledgment
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acknowledgement
show examples
 to the high-skilled jobs of those
professionals
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.
As a result
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, many
professionals
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 leave their nations and move to developed
countries
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 that respect their
job
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jobs
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 and
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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, or even sacrifice for higher and proper payment or salary.
Moreover
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, the poorer
infrastructure
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,
such
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 as schools, hospitals, transport, digital devices, or electricity
also
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 becomes the leading factor of professional
migration
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 to industrialized
countries
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. When good
infrastructure
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 systems that can support their career are not available, those
professionals
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 prefer to work in
developed
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developing
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countries
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 where the government has better policies and provides better
infrastructure
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 systems.
Consequently
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, the
migration
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 of those
professionals
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 has some adverse ramifications for the poorer
countries
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. One of those negative impacts is that it lowers
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human resources, which is a primary factor for
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
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 and high prosperity of
society
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.
Due to
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this
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 professional
migration
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, the poorer
countries
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' conditions worsen, and the dream of a prosperous
society
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 fades away. In conclusion, lower salaries and bad
infrastructure
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 systems have become the essential roots of professional
migration
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 from poorer
countries
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 to developed
countries
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.
This
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 caused a serious negative impact, including poorer human resources, affecting the dream of a prosperous
society
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.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and addresses the main points related to professional migration. However, consider providing more specific examples or data to support your claims about salaries and infrastructure.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by enhancing the transition between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, the connection between low salaries and professional migration could be more explicitly highlighted.
coherence and cohesion
While your conclusion summarizes the points made, try to rephrase some ideas to make them more impactful or offer a final thought that connects back to the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively identify key reasons for professional migration, which contributes to a comprehensive response to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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