IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Since the beginning of the 20th century, the number of endangered species has increased significantly and we have witnessed more mass extinctions in this period than in any other period of time. State some reasons for this and provide possible solutions.

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Mass extinction of endangered species is becoming inevitable these days.
This
Linking Words
 situation is caused by several factors including climate change
as well as
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 pollution and contamination.  The first main reason why some organisms become extinct is climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
. Climate change used to be a natural phenomenon starting from the prehistoric to
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 era.
However
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent
decades
Add a comma
decades,
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 human activity has significantly increased the effect,
such
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 as producing more greenhouse gases which make the global temperature
rising
Wrong verb form
rise
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.
As a result
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, many species lose their habitat and no longer survive.
Therefore
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, reducing greenhouse gases and shifting to sustainable energy can minimize global warming.
Next,
Linking Words
pollution and contamination
also
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 contribute to the disappearance of living things
due to
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 toxicity. Many creatures die because they consume or get in contact with toxic waste,
for instance
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, mercury. When animals intake food contaminated with heavy metal, it will remain in their body forever.
Thus
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,
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 them suffer and die slowly.
For
Change preposition
In
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 some cases, mercury can cause hereditary disease which will have a terrible impact on
animal’s
Change noun form
animal
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 regeneration and will lead to extinction. For these cases, contamination should be prevented or if
this
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 already appears, remediation action must be taken. In sum, mass extinction is a natural disaster,
although
Linking Words
 in recent years people are contributing to the increasing effect
such
Linking Words
 as producing more greenhouse gases and contaminating the ecosystem.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can be prevented by shifting to sustainable energy and remediation.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've mentioned greenhouse gases and pollution, concrete examples of affected species or ecosystems would strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly elaborates on a single main idea. This will help improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences for clarity. For instance, 'as well as pollution and contamination' could be simplified to 'as well as pollution' for clearer message delivery.
task achievement
Make sure your introduction states the significance of the issue more directly. This will engage the reader and frame your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
You clearly state the main reasons for mass extinction, including climate change and pollution, which are relevant and appropriate to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical progression and generally maintains a clear focus on the topic throughout.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • mass extinctions
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystems
  • ecological imbalance
  • human well-being
  • illegal hunting
  • poaching
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • awareness
  • education
  • conservation
  • laws
  • regulations
  • international cooperation
  • sustainable practices
  • protected areas
  • public awareness
  • community-based conservation efforts
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