IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Whether people face dangers in their
either
Correct determiner usage
apply
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workplace or personal
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 has triggered spirited debate. On the
fact
Correct your spelling
face
show examples
 of it, the advantages seem apparent, but could there be a downside to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon? The following paragraphs outline the arguments for and against
this
Linking Words
 trend. One of the main arguments in favour of
this
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 trend is that it allows teenagers to increase their awareness of careless
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
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. In the workplace,
youngers
Correct your spelling
young people
show examples
 may not know how to handle
a
Correct article usage
apply
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various
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
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 or
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 they will lose the business and will be punished by
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
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.
However
Linking Words
, they can learn how to avoid the same mistakes next time from the
risks
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can strengthen
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, adolescents’ problem-solving skills are improved during the
risks
Use synonyms
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real
life
Use synonyms
, they often look
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 adults for help
Linking Words
whereas
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apply
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they cannot tackle the problem independently. If they take more
risks
Use synonyms
, it is the most significant to build up a better problem-solving skill.
In other words
Linking Words
, there is a grounding trend of facing
challenging
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challenges
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due to
Linking Words
 the fact that the awareness of careful and personal skills is developed.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is generally accepted that there are some dangers associated with challenges yourselves. There is a tendency
believe
Fix the infinitive
to believe
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 that workers will be punished when they take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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risks
Use synonyms
. Some workers want to gain more benefits from other companies or customers
in
Change preposition
through
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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unlawful methods.
Although
Linking Words
 they may have their wanted information, they get penalties from
Correct article usage
the polices
show examples
polices
Correct subject-verb agreement
police
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
a
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if a
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teacher shared
paper
Correct article usage
a paper
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of
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on
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public
Correct article usage
a public
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 examination
in
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on
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 the Internet
last
Linking Words
 year,
then
Linking Words
 she cannot be a teacher in the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is growing evidence that youngsters get to death since they attempt some dangerous activities. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real
life
Use synonyms
, they like to take more challenges to show their abilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, they
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
join some extreme sports to show off
injured
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injuries
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 and stay at
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
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. Worse still, they die during the sporting. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the seriousness of these potential problems cannot be overlooked. The
Use synonyms
risks
Change the noun form
risk
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 experience has its benefits and drawbacks. It is experienced that attempting to do different and difficult actions will continue to be a popular option on the ground that people enhance more personal skills. I am
a
Correct your spelling
of
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 strong opinion that the advantages of
this
Linking Words
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 outweigh its disadvantages, making it
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 opinion, as long as teenagers learn to protect their
life
Use synonyms
 and avoid
touch
Wrong verb form
touching
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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unlawful items.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates directly to your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Provide clear links between your ideas to improve the flow of your essay. Transition words and phrases can help enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Make your points clearer by providing more comprehensive explanations or argument development in each paragraph.
task achievement
Ensure that examples are directly connected to your argument and clearly illustrate the points you are making.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by addressing both the pros and cons of taking risks, which is a good approach in argumentative essays.
task achievement
Your ideas reflect a relevant personal understanding of the topic, which is essential for engaging the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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