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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph below shows the percentage of spending in a European country from 1960 to 2000.

The line graph below shows the percentage of spending in a European country from 1960 to 2000.
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The graph gives information about the percentage of money spent on
Food
Use synonyms
,
Leisure
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, Clothing,
Transport
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 and
Energy
Use synonyms
 in a European country from 1960 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Correct word choice
apply
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while
Linking Words
, four
categories
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
food
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,
leisure
Use synonyms
,
transport
Use synonyms
 and
energy
Use synonyms
 dropped significantly over the measured
period
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,
while
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, clothing gradually increased,
Additionally
Linking Words
,
energy
Use synonyms
 was the lowest proportion during the
period
Use synonyms
. The percentage of money spending
Food
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 and
leisure
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 showed a much bigger figure, with around 33 and 20, compared to other
categories
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 in 1960. In 1980 figures for
transport
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 and
energy
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 decreased to about 25 and 18 respectively.
Food
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 and
leisure
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categories
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 decreased again from 25 and 18 to 15 and 13 end of the
period
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
transport
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 and
energy
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 were smaller for the remaining
categories
Use synonyms
 in 1960 with 10 and 5. These declined to 8 and 4 in 1980.
Transport
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 and
energy
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 experienced a drop from 8 and 4 to 6 and 1 in 2000.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of money spent on clothing increased significantly during the
period
Use synonyms
 in 1960 from roughly 9 to 16 in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, clothing was the highest category in 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, leisure, transport, energy, categories, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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