IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Social media sites have allowed individuals to connect with each other, share their experiences, and express their opinions. However, possible employers can also access these pages when making a hiring decision. Do you think information shared on a social media site should be taken into account when hiring people?

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Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 can easily express and leave their
thoughts
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, comments, or experiences on a social
media
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 site, which allows possible employers to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the records left by the candidates.
This
Linking Words
 article totally disagrees with
an
Correct article usage
the
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 idea that
information
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 shared on a social
media
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 site should be considered when hiring employees. First of all, using one’s
information
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 on social
media
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 as a standard for making a hiring decision can be alarming since it
is undermining
Wrong verb form
undermines
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 one’s privacy.
Although
Linking Words
 social
media
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 is used as a tool and space to connect with each other, many
people
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 tend to share their
information
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 with only
who
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 they are close to.
That is
Linking Words
 why a lot of social networking services;
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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, Instagram, and
snapchat
Change the capitalization
Snapchat
show examples
, have adopted
‘following
Correct article usage
a ‘following
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 system’ which only allows followers to have direct
exposures
Fix the agreement mistake
exposure
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 one’s post.
Therefore
Linking Words
, mining the personal
information
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 of possible employees for employment is neglecting their private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. The other reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the opinions given by someone on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
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 may not be true. Since
people
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 tend to use their ID for a long time, it is obvious for
people
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 to have past records that
doesn’t
Change the verb form
don’t
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 match with their current
thoughts
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.
For example
Linking Words
, users can forget about what they have expressed on the internet
such
Linking Words
 as leaving comments on the news or sharing political
thoughts
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 on
twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
show examples
. If their opinions have changed with time, employers who are currently in a hiring process can totally misunderstand the candidates.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important to keep in mind that, the
information
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 left by
people
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 cannot be always right. In conclusion, because individual’s shared ideas on the internet are
privacy
Replace the word
private
show examples
 and some
thoughts
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 might not meet with current candidates’ perspective, it is inappropriate to take those
information
Use synonyms
 into account in a hiring process.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement to summarize your position in the introduction. This will help establish your argument from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. This will enhance the logical flow between your ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, such as mentioning how employers might misinterpret social media posts. This will strengthen your argument.
content
Your essay effectively highlights the importance of privacy regarding social media use.
structure
You present two distinct reasons for your argument, which is a positive aspect of your essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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