IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The graph belowshows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for university lecturer describing the information shown below.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the range of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 in the US and Japan the
March
Use synonyms
 1993 and
March
Use synonyms
 1999. As it seems from the chart the
rate
Use synonyms
 of underemployment individuals from Japan and the US gradually changed between
March
Use synonyms
 1993 and
March
Use synonyms
 1999. Japanese
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 during
this
Linking Words
 period moderately increased from 2,5% to 5%,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of workforce American
unemployment
Use synonyms
 reduced from 7% to 5%. In the US percentage of workforce jobless people from
March
Use synonyms
 1993 to
March
Use synonyms
 1996 dropped moderately. Between
March
Use synonyms
 1996 and
March
Use synonyms
 1999,
this
Linking Words
 process occurred remained steady. The
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in the US and Japan became approximately the same in
March
Use synonyms
 1998 and stayed stable till 1999. The
rate
Use synonyms
 of Japanese
unemployment
Use synonyms
 between
March
Use synonyms
 1993 and
March
Use synonyms
 1988
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 gradually.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify the introduction by rephrasing for better clarity. Consider rephrasing to `The graph illustrates the unemployment rates in the US and Japan from March 1993 to March 1999.`
coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistent use of numerical formats. Either use decimals uniformly (e.g., 2.5% instead of 2,5%) or consistently in whole numbers.
task achievement
Expand on the trends you've mentioned to provide a more comprehensive overview of the fluctuations in unemployment rates during the specified period. For instance, detail any significant events or policies that may have influenced these changes.
task achievement
You provided a clear overview of the unemployment trends in both countries during the specified period, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The use of comparative language (e.g., `while`, `approximately the same`) is effective in demonstrating the contrast between the two countries' unemployment trends.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: