IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

some people believe that technological advancements lead to a loss of privacy. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

owing to the
necessarity
Correct your spelling
necessity
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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user satisfaction, There is no doubt that ensuring
privacy
Use synonyms
 is a safety matter for the user.
Linking Words
While it
Correct word choice
It
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 is a commonly held belief that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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improved technological
features
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pursuits
Replace the word
pursue
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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better
privacy
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 services. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. I consider that the enhanced technology is essential for
privacy
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features
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 especially if used wisely.
To begin
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 with, the importance of technological advancement is essential for resolving
the
Correct article usage
apply
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privacy
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 matters.
In other words
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, technology can foster a variety of
privacy
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features
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.
In addition
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, the appropriate prioritization for
privacy
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 allowed high technological
features
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.
for example
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, security
camera
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cameras
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 included in smart
home
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homes
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essential
Add a missing verb
are essential
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 for ensuring safety another point to consider, smart
phones
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smartphones
show examples
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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powerful
features
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 in
recent
Correct article usage
the recent
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 generation. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that brands like
apple
Capitalize word
Apple
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 and
huwawi
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Huwawi
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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demonstrably
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
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 to
a high
Correct the article-noun agreement
high features
a high feature
show examples
features
Use synonyms
 of
privacy
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 prioritization.
for instance
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, allowance for lock screen
password
Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
show examples
,photos, and text hidden for more
privacy
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.
moreover
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, advanced
features
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 for
privacy
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 enhancement through
replace
Replace the word
the replacement
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 of
password
Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
show examples
 with face ID in
apps
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app
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 security. In conclusion, despite people having different views. I strongly agree with the more advanced technology
the
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and the
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 enhanced quality of
privacy
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 services to the user in every life context
such
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 as home environment security or in phone apps for better enjoyment

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Task Achievement
Consider rephrasing the introduction to clearly state your position. Avoid phrases like 'there is also an argument that opposes it' without elaboration.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure better logical flow between paragraphs by using more linking words or phrases. For example, transitions such as 'firstly', 'additionally', and 'ultimately' can help.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity. For instance, 'the improved technological features pursuits the better privacy services' could be rephrased for better understanding.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples and explanations to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument further.
Task Achievement
Good attempt to identify both sides of the argument and present a personal opinion.
Task Achievement
You've made relevant points related to technology roles in privacy enhancement, which is crucial to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your stance, reinforcing your argument effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • privacy
  • surveillance
  • data sharing
  • encryption
  • digital literacy
  • facial recognition
  • CCTV
  • public spaces
  • security measures
  • information accessibility
  • digital footprint
  • individual responsibility
  • informed choices
  • data protection
  • Internet of Things (IoT)
  • cloud computing
  • cybersecurity
  • potential risks
  • balance of security and privacy
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