IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate and reach a conclusion “Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.” Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is no doubt that these days we see
zoos
Use synonyms
 increasing between countries. But the question is,
it's
Add a missing verb
is it's
show examples
 harm
animals
Use synonyms
 or
this
Linking Words
 for their own
benfeit
Correct your spelling
benefit
? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both views and write my opinion. On one hand, some
zoos
Use synonyms
 could be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 the people who attend the zoo.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 children who attend with
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their parents
parints
Correct your spelling
parents
prints
 some of them have bad
Correct your spelling
attitude
attitudes
atitude
Correct your spelling
attitude against
agenst
Correct your spelling
against
animals
Use synonyms
 To illustrate, the people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 come to the zoo with their children could
hurts
Change the verb form
hurt
show examples
 the
animals
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different ways.
For example
Linking Words
, throw
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 food and plastec
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them or let the Monkeys smoke cigarettes and
this
Linking Words
 by the way could kill the
Moneky
Correct your spelling
money
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 would be great
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to
mitgate
Correct your spelling
mitigate
 rare kinds of
animals
Use synonyms
.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 other words, we can see that
zoos
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in protecting different aspects
Tigers
Change preposition
of Tigers
show examples
, Monkeys and etc
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 For
insect
Fix the agreement mistake
insects
show examples
, we can see some kind of Tigers that could
be diminish
Change the verb form
be diminished
show examples
 from the world but
zoos
Use synonyms
 help
Change the determiner
this animal
these animals
show examples
this
Linking Words
animals
Use synonyms
 to stay in the world and increase their numbers
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 serve them
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 water and places near
what
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 they
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to live
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
so they
don'
Correct your spelling
don't
show examples
 have any issues with the new life that
zoos
Use synonyms
 offer them. In conclusion, there is no easy answer
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 question. But I believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
benfeits
Correct your spelling
benefits
benefit
 it's slightly more than
thier
Correct your spelling
they
harms
Correct subject-verb agreement
harm
show examples
,
because
Correct word choice
and because
show examples
 of that my opinion to let the
zoos
Use synonyms
 work like the
pst
Correct your spelling
PST
show examples
 and
don't
Verb problem
not
show examples
 close them at all.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate your argument and position in the introduction, and provide a more focused conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by using linking words or phrases to connect different sections of your essay. This will help improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Use more precise language and correct any spelling or grammatical errors to improve clarity.
task achievement
You have identified both sides of the debate and shared your opinion, which is essential for addressing the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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