In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extend do you think is a positive trand?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, shopping
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
recreational activity in many
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
which was thought to be a daily
chores
Correct the article-noun agreement
chore
show examples
in the past.
However
Linking Words
, I agree that shopping is one of the main
source
Change to a plural noun
sources
show examples
of hobby nowadays and
this
Linking Words
essay will discuss my perspective with relevant examples of
this
Linking Words
phenomenon.
To begin
Linking Words
with, one of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
for considering shopping as a source of entertainment is the availability of products both online and offline.
This
Linking Words
means, with the help of technological advancement by sitting at home people can browse anything
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the internet, order instantly and get the delivery within a couple of days. On top of that, nowadays shopping
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
are built in
such
Linking Words
a way that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
almost everything with specialized
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
entertainment
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
show examples
. So, if anyone
visit
Change the verb form
visits
show examples
the shopping mall physically, they will not
do
Verb problem
only go
show examples
shopping but
also
Linking Words
enjoy the outer space zone, special food from
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
court and
pass
Verb problem
spend
show examples
their leisure time with family. Another reason behind
this
Linking Words
is,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
number of shopping malls
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more now than in the past. In the 19th century, when men
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
only considered to be the
bread winners
Correct your spelling
breadwinners
show examples
of the family, limited their buying items only to food and grocery.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason, there were less number of shopping places with extremely limited
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
and people were not interested
to indulge
Change preposition
in indulging
show examples
themselves in
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
show examples
of daily domestic activities.
However
Linking Words
, at
present
Add a comma
present,
show examples
there are at least three to four shopping
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
almost in every city which makes life easier and effortless not only in buying things but
also
Linking Words
pass
Verb problem
in having
show examples
a wonderful time. In conclusion, I believe as a person
amuse
Wrong verb form
is amused
show examples
by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shopping from different aspects, it is necessary to consider shopping as a hobby in their daily busy life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly state your stance on whether shopping as a hobby is positive or negative.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use correct verb forms, e.g. 'shopping is' instead of 'shopping are'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more linking words to connect ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The examples provided, such as online shopping and shopping malls with entertainment, effectively illustrate your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: