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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below shows male and female arrested over the 5 years and the reason for most recent arrests

The charts below shows male and female arrested over the 5 years and the reason for most recent arrests
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The pie
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the percentage of men and
women
Use synonyms
 arrested in the span of 5 years until 1994
while
Linking Words
 the bar
chart
Use synonyms
 states the reasons for the recently arrested individuals.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of male public offenders is significantly higher compared to
women
Use synonyms
. The most common
reason
Use synonyms
 for imprisonment is public drinking for
both
Use synonyms
 genders in recent times.
However
Linking Words
, the least frequent
reason
Use synonyms
 is no answer by the penalised individual.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, 32% of the male population was arrested from the year 1989 to 1994
while
Linking Words
 only 9% of the female individuals were arrested in comparison. The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 shows that public drinking is the most common
reason
Use synonyms
 for the arrest of
both
Use synonyms
 genders (men and
women
Use synonyms
) which is just over 30% and over 35% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, for drunk driving, there is an approximate difference of 11% between male(26%) and female (14%) offenders. Breach of order, assault, theft , and other reasons are between the range of 10-20% for
both
Use synonyms
 the sex.
Whereas
Linking Words
, no answer is the least common
reason
Use synonyms
 for the prison time for
both
Use synonyms
 men and
women
Use synonyms
 which is less than 5% and marginally lower than 10%
accordingly
Linking Words
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, women, reason, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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