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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about European people of different age groups who went to gyms once a month or more between 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about European people of different age groups who went to gyms once a month or more between 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the percentage of European individuals who went to fitness clubs
one
Correct your spelling
once
show examples
 time in a month or more from 1990 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 of
18
Correct article usage
the 18
show examples
-24
age
Use synonyms
 group visited
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 more often than other
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
However
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 over 45
years
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
 were the least active participants in the year 2010.
According to
Linking Words
 the information, in 2010,
ratio
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the ratio
a ratio
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 going to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 was significantly greater as compared to 1990.
Moreover
Linking Words
, about 10 percent of adults aged 18 to 34 went to fitness clubs in 1990,
than
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then
show examples
 the number dramatically surged to nearly 27% in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 eight
years
Use synonyms
. Afterwards,
ratio
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the ratio
a ratio
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 of adults who were less than 25
years
Use synonyms
sharply
Correct word choice
old sharply
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 rose to 60 and remained steady throughout the next decade. On the other side,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of gym addicts aged 25
t0
Correct your spelling
to
 35 kept rising
untill
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until
 it reached more than half(in 2010). To move forward, there was only
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 increment in
proportion
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the proportion
show examples
 of individuals above 35 from 1990 to 1998.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, in the next 4
years
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of older citizens
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rise
rose
 slighter as of 35-
44 year old
Add a hyphen
44-year-old
show examples
 Europeans which was around 12% and 22% respectively. From 2006 to 2010, the ratio of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 soared by 10 percent and Europeans of
age
Use synonyms
 35 to 44 inclined by approximately 1 by 5 %.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, age, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Age group (noun): A range of ages categorized together.
  • Gym attendance (noun): The act of visiting or using a gym.
  • Trend (noun): A general direction in which something is developing or changing.
  • Decline (verb/noun): A decrease or loss in quality, quantity, or importance.
  • Fluctuate (verb): To change continually; to move up and down.
  • Peak (noun/verb): Reach the highest point.
  • Demographics (noun): Statistical data relating to the population and particular groups within it.
  • Health awareness (noun): Being conscious or informed about health issues.
  • Fitness culture (noun): A culture that promotes physical exercise and healthy living.
  • Stabilize (verb): To make or become unlikely to change or fluctuate.
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