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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think students should not leave universities without good understanding of how to manage their money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Financial management is a crucial skill for individuals. Some people suggest that
universities
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 should teach their
students
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on
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apply
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money
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 management before
the
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apply
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graduation. I think
this
Linking Words
 suggestion is feasible and will benefit
students
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 in the long run. The first reason is that
universities
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 have a wide range of resources for developing
a
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apply
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high-quality and affordable
course
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courses
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 for individual
students
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,
such
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 as experienced professors and sufficient government funding. Compared to online information, professors can develop a well-structured curriculum and series of lessons for
students
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. If
students
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 need extra support or have questions, those professors can
also
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 provide more constructive
idea
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ideas
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 and
method
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methods
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 to suit individual needs.
Furthermore
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, some private institutions use unqualified people to run financial courses and charge
students
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 highly for tremendous profit.
In contrast
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,
universities
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 can use government funding to subsidise
students
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 and provide
a
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reasonably priced or even free financial courses for all
students
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.
Secondly
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, most of the university
students
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 are young and do not have foundational knowledge on
money
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. Many
students
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 finish
their
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secondary school, continue their undergraduate
study
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studies
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, and
then
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 graduate without encountering
with
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apply
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money
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 management. It is necessary for them to know some basic ideas when they enter into society,
such
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 as an annual salary, tax, superannuation, pension and investment. If they do not have the basic
money
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 knowledge, they might end up with a huge amount of debt or homeless.
Therefore
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, equipping
students
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 with some level of financial skills allows smooth transitions in
students
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' lives and
avoid
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avoids
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 future financial dilemmas. In summary,
universities
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 can provide trustworthy and well-organized lectures for young adults. University
students
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 should learn how to manage their
money
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 for their future lives.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific financial concepts that could be taught or real-world scenarios that emphasize the need for money management skills.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas using cohesive devices. For instance, using transitions like "Moreover" or "In addition" could strengthen the flow between your sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a logical introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You effectively highlighted the importance of financial education, which is a relevant and significant topic for university students.
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