IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Not enough students choose science subjects at universities in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What’s the effect on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In multiple countries, there are insufficient students to pick
science
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-related subjects as their majors at universities.
This
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 essay will explore the reasons and illustrate the ripple effects of
this
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 situation. One main reason lies in the way we educate our students. When I was in high school, I was frustrated with learning
science
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, which included mathematics, physics, and chemistry. Bombarded with hundreds of formulas and questions, it is really hard for me to find any
interest
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 in learning the subjects. Most of the
time
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, we spent
time
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 in classes, taking lectures on how to break down the questions and apply the formula. I found it hard to connect with the real-world experience, so I lost
interest
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 in exploring them eventually.
As a result
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, I didn’t take
science
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 into consideration when it came to deciding my major at university. Another reason can be attributed to the fact that working in
science
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 is not considered
as
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apply
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a favourable career choice anymore. The most profitable position would be a businessman or even a freelancer in the social media industry. The rise of individualism and technology fosters the
interest
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for
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of
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 kids seeking
for
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apply
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more exciting journeys by experiencing life
instead
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 of spending long
period
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periods
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 of
time
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 in
lab
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the lab
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 to figure out the theory of the phenomenon.
This
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 change in the job market
also
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 serves as a factor leading to
fewer
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a lower
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 enrollment rate in
science
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-related departments. Followed by
this
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 trend,
it
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apply
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poses the risks of slowing down the technology development. With fewer individuals contributing their
time
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 and effort to focus on the research, the advancement become much harder than before. In conclusion, the decreasing popularity in choosing
science
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 subjects results from the teaching method and the shifting
interest
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 in
the
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apply
show examples
career options. At the same
time
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, it causes
the
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apply
show examples
prolonged progress in technology.

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task achievement
Consider adding more examples to support your points, especially in the discussion of science careers. This can strengthen your arguments and provide clearer insight into the trends you describe.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between your paragraphs by using transitional phrases. This will help the reader follow your thought process more easily.
coherence and cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, they could more effectively summarize your main points. Consider briefly restating your main arguments to reinforce your essay's message in the conclusion.
task achievement
Good exploration of personal experience related to the topic, which adds a unique perspective to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The use of clear language helps to convey your thoughts, making it accessible for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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