IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart below gives information on how people use four types of transport and the table provides of five reasons data of using a car in Edmonton.

The pie chart below gives information on how people use four types of transport and the table provides of five reasons data of using a car in Edmonton.
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A glance at the figures given illustrates the
transportation
Use synonyms
 types that Edmonton citizens use and the reason why
people
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 their own private
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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. Based on an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it can be seen that the highest percentage is private
transportation
Use synonyms
 which is a car,
while
Linking Words
, the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 position is public
transportation
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as a bus and a taxi.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the main reason why
people
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 their own cars is commuting to work,
whist
Correct your spelling
whilst
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 the other reasons are shopping, taking kids to school, etc. From an initial figure, it shows that
car
Correct article usage
the car
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 attains the first position by 45%. The following spot is public
transportation
Use synonyms
 which is LRT (Light Rail Transit) at 35%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the least positions are other categories of public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 as well, which are
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
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 and
taxi
Fix the agreement mistake
taxis
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. These
transportations
Change the noun form
transportation
show examples
 percentages are at the same amount which is 10%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the table given, it provides the reasons why
people
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 their own cars. The first reason is commuting to work at 55%. The subsequent places are doing business at 45% and taking kids to school at 40%, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the least reasons are shopping and leisure activities at 15%.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in Edmonton
most
Add a missing verb
are most
show examples
 likely to
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 their cars because there are many solutions that can be solved with
this
Linking Words
transportation
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words transportation, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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