People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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Over the past few decades, there has been a nuanced change to the way people perceive living, particularly in pursuing a more materialised lifestyle. Some argue that,
while
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this
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altering in life standards brings comfort to the quality of our lives, many traditional family
values
Use synonyms
have been overlooked.
This
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essay advocates
this
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statement, as individuals should prioritise these fundamental social norms over the enhancement of living quality. First and foremost, from an individual perspective, these traditional
values
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serve as the cornerstone of one's well-being which cannot be substituted by shopping new items alone. These include spending quality time with family members, supporting the elders and bonding with other local dwellers. Taking the vital family relationship-building time
for example
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, researchers have found that it could enhance
the
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apply
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belonging feeling which supports one's
overall
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mental health, contributing to
a
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apply
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growth in happiness and developing a healthier mindset.
In other words
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, people who treasure family
values
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will feel more supported and motivated when they come back from work. On top of the preceding discussion, a materialised lifestyle
also
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jeopardises our environment from a global aspect. The reason behind
this
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is
due to
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the unnecessary production of items consumed by individuals. A typical example of
this
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will be mobile phones, which are currently being rapidly replaced with newer substitutes by the owners to gain access to the convenience provided by the advanced technologies, like faster internet.
This
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is problematic as most of the batteries are not
recycable
Correct your spelling
recyclable
, causing a dramatic increase in landfills and hazard to the soil condition.
Besides
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, there have
also
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been numerous reports about the increasing amount of litter in the ocean, indicating the lifestyle's detrimental impact on the marine system.
Therefore
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, it is widely acknowledged that maintaining
an appropriate material pursuits
Correct the article-noun agreement
appropriate material pursuits
an appropriate material pursuit
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with the preservation of traditional
values
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is essential, both from the individual and the global perspective. Encouraging awareness and appreciation of traditions
while
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pursuing progress can lead to a more holistic approach to modern life.

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task achievement
Expand on the examples provided, especially in supporting arguments, to make them more specific and detailed.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and strengthen connections between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer conclusion summarizing the main points made, emphasizing the importance of balancing material pursuits with traditional values.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument and takes a definite stance on the topic, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Strong introduction that sets the context for the discussion and outlines the main argument effectively.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate points, particularly regarding family values and environmental concerns.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • materialism
  • traditional values
  • consumerism
  • cultural identity
  • quality of life
  • engagement
  • community cohesion
  • economic pressures
  • anecdotal evidence
  • cultural heritage
  • personal fulfillment
  • balance
  • heritage preservation
  • disconnection
  • mindset
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