IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The following diagram illustares how electricity is generated in a hydroelectric dam.

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The electricity generated by a hydroelectric dam has been illustrated in the provided diagram.
This
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 essay will describe the detailed step-by-step
process
Use synonyms
 of generating power.
Overall
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, it is a man-made linear
process
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 consisting of five steps, which starts with filling the
water
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 reservoir from the river and ends with
supply
Wrong verb form
supplying
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 the energy through the long-distance power lines The
process
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 can be divided into several stages: storing
water
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 in the dam, generating energy from it, and
finally
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 supplying electricity. First of all, as shown in the illustration, the hydroelectric dam has been filled with
water
Use synonyms
 from the nearby river.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 step is to
intake
Verb problem
take
show examples
 the
water
Use synonyms
 from the reservoir and channel it through the penstock into the turbine. The
water
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 passing through the turbine generates the hydroelectricity, which is,
consequently
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, sent directly into the generator located in the powerhouse. The final step of the
process
Use synonyms
 is the distribution of the hydroelectricity from the generator via the long-distance power lines.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets the context well, but consider summarizing the main stages more thoroughly to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, briefly reiterate the importance of hydroelectricity supply as part of the overall process to provide a stronger closing.
task achievement
Ensure to clarify the term 'hydroelectricity' as 'electricity generated by water power,' so readers unfamiliar with the term can understand it better.
task achievement
Including more specific examples or numerical values related to electricity generation could strengthen your response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay effectively outlines the process in a logical order and adheres to a clear structure, which helps the reader follow along.
coherence and cohesion
The use of transition words like 'First of all' and 'Next step' shows a well-organized flow of information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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