IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should start learning a foreign language when they are very young. • Do you agree or disagree with this view?

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There is no denying the fact that education is a crucial factor in our lives.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that from a young age, kids should begin to learn a new
language
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 there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that families should encourage their children to learn foreign
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language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
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.
To begin
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 with, learning languages starts in the household or school.
In other words
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, when kids learn a foreign
language
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 from school or home that will help them to expand their knowledge and enhance their communication skills which allows them to express their emotions.
In addition
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, there are many ways where parents can help to educate their
childrenin
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children in
children
anew
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a new
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language
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, but the best path
it
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is
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 combining fun with education.
For example
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, a survey conducted in Japan shows that 90% of children learn the English
language
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 through
the
Correct article usage
apply
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games
such
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 as Minecraft. Another point to consider
,
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apply
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 is if you want to explore a new culture, you should learn their
language
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 because it will help you to engage in wonderful experiences. It is
also
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 possible to say that, it includes many benefits
such
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 as allowing you to make new friendships and when you practice the new
language
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 you learn with local individuals it will boost your
language
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.
Moreover
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, some people learn a foreign
language
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 because they want to study or work in other countries.
For instance
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, 50% of
saudis
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Saudis
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 learn
English
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the English
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language
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 because they want to study in a foreign culture. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that parent should encourage their children to learn global languages
such
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 as Arabic, English and French to help them in future work or study.

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task achievement
Consider revising the introduction to clearly state your opinion more directly. Instead of using 'I consider that families should encourage their children to learn foreign language,' try 'I firmly believe that children should start learning a foreign language at a young age.'
coherence and cohesion
Enrich your body paragraphs with clearer topic sentences that directly relate to your main point. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical and punctuation errors, such as 'families should encourage their children to learn foreign language' (it should be 'a foreign language') and 'the best path it combining fun with education' (this could be 'the best path is combining fun with education'). This will improve clarity.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the survey in Japan and the statistics about Saudis learning English, which support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is good for the logical flow.
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