IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Consumers are faced with increasing number of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think are consumers influenced by advertisement ? what measure can be taken to protect them.

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With the development of technology, consumers are complaining about being exposed to countless
advertisements
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everyday
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every day
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, of which the advantages outweigh the shortcomings.
Advertisements
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 drive
people
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 to waste time and money on unnecessary
products
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.
For the
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The
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young
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Young
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 adults,
while
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 scrolling through social media,
they
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apply
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tend to follow the fashion trend
such
Linking Words
 as purchasing the same brand of influencers who attract huge amounts of fans and
go
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going
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 to
the
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apply
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restaurants with festival decorations which provide exotic ambience for the youth to take trendy photos. Not only do they spend money buying unnecessary things but
also
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 try unauthentic food in the well-known cafe.
Furthermore
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, young children may be coaxed by
advertisements
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 to buy toys and compete with their peers. The
eager
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eagerness
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 to prove who
have
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has
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 the limited edition of cards will
leads
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lead
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 to distraction from
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the study
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study
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studies
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, which will
also
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 do harm to their mental health in the long run.
Besides
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, a report showed that
the
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apply
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online
advertisements
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 on social media boost the sales of
makeups
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makeup
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 by increasing the exposure of the
advertisements
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 and
encourage
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encouraging
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people
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 to click the
advertisements
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. Even
for
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apply
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the elderly,
they
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apply
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cannot resist the temptation of online shopping, by scrolling through online shopping websites and repetitively clicking different discount
advertisements
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. They spare time comparing prices of the
products
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, reading the reviews of different brands, and watching videos of consumers' feedback in order to find the best deal. Both the governments and the
companies
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 themselves should be responsible for protecting
people
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 from being the victims of
advertisements
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. The government should make laws to govern the
companies
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 and agencies to promote their
products
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 in a proper way
while
Linking Words
 avoiding fake information
such
Linking Words
 as
the
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apply
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edited photos
pretend
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pretending
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 to show how
appealling
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appealing
appalling
 is the tourist spot. What is more, the
companies
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 should be educated that it is
the
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apply
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social justice that prioritizes
people
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not
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, not
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 profits that attracts more
people
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 to own their
products
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. Meanwhile, the public should be educated to raise the
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 to avoid consumerism.
Therefore
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,
people
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 are suffering from over-consumption
due to
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 their exposure to millions of
advertisements
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. The cooperation of the governments,
companies
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 and the public
that
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apply
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can
aviod
Correct your spelling
avoid
 the disadvantages of ads.

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task achievement
Your introduction states the issue but could benefit from a clearer thesis that outlines your main points. Consider briefly stating your position towards advertisements and their impacts on consumers in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Your argument could be structured more clearly. It might help to split your points into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences to enhance the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
While you provide examples of how different age groups are affected by advertisements, try to delve deeper into each example, explaining its relevance to the claims made. This will improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
You present a balanced view regarding the negative effects of advertisements on various demographics, which demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the impact on young adults and children, are relevant and highlight your points effectively, showing awareness of diverse consumer experiences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuasive techniques
  • emotional appeals
  • celebrity endorsements
  • repetitive messaging
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived needs
  • materialism
  • unrealistic expectations
  • government regulations
  • advertising standards
  • false claims
  • transparency
  • educational campaigns
  • media literacy
  • critical thinking skills
  • ad blockers
  • subscription-based services
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