IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that people who do physical eork should be paid on par with people who have high level degree. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
recent
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the recent
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era
Fix the agreement mistake
eras
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that do physical
work
Replace the word
workers
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 should get
same
Change the article
the same
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 amount of salary
with
Change preposition
as
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people
Use synonyms
 who have
Add an article
a high
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high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
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degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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. The writer agrees with
this
Linking Words
stament
Correct your spelling
statement
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
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there are many benefits of doing
this
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 regulation,
for instance
Linking Words
 giving justice to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 and reducing social inequality in the world. First and foremost, physical
workers
Use synonyms
 need much
energies
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energy
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 and long hours to finish their tasks. They
also
Linking Words
 have to sacrifice their health as well. Government should think about
this
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 situation to give
equal
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an equal
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position
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positions
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 for the
labor
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labour
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. To illustrate,
blue collar
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blue-collar
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workers
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 have to
taking
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take
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 care of their health and they need
budget
Fix the infinitive
to budget
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 for their health expenses. If their salaries are lower than average wages, it will
give
Verb problem
have
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 impact
for
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on
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 their living cost, including
healthy
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health
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 insurance. Through regulation for giving payment on par between
blue collar
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blue-collar
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workers
Use synonyms
 and
white collar
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white-collar
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workers
Use synonyms
, it will give
finance
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financial
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 equality in society.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
 condition will
reducing
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reduce
be reducing
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 social inequality in the world. If
people
Use synonyms
 have the same amount for
the
Change the word
their
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 salaries, their
taxes deduction
Fix the agreement mistake
tax deductions
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 will be similar as well.
This
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 circumstance will decrease the tax and finance gap between citizens.
Besides
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 that, there will be no tax evasion or tax avoidance by the society, since they have the same number of income.
Moreover
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,
government
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the government
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also
Linking Words
 can manage the state's
finance
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finances
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 well in order to give equal facilities to all citizens.
To sum up
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, the writer
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
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 that
people
Use synonyms
 who do physical work should be paid on par with
people
Use synonyms
 who have
Add an article
a high
the high
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high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 to reduce
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 injustice and social inequality.

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language
Make sure to proofread for grammar and spelling errors, such as "the writer agrees with this stament" which should be "this statement". This will improve the clarity of your message.
language
Use more varied vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly and to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of saying 'physical work' multiple times, consider synonyms like 'manual labor' or 'blue-collar jobs'.
content
Ensure that your supporting points are logically structured and fully developed. For instance, explaining how financial equality impacts society could be more detailed to strengthen your argument.
content
Your stance is clear and consistent throughout the essay, which helps convey your agreement with the prompt effectively.
content
You provide relevant points regarding health, financial equality, and social inequality, which are significant issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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