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Writing Samples
Band 7

The first chart below shows the number of airline crew (pilots, stewards etc) needed to fly a passenger plane between Australia and a number of other countries. The second chart shows the number of passenger complaints per plane journey made on these routes, and average kilogram (kg) weight of luggage (or baggage) carried per passenger.

The first chart below shows the number of airline crew (pilots, stewards etc) needed to fly a passenger plane between Australia and a number of other countries. The second chart shows the number of passenger complaints per plane journey made on these routes, and average kilogram (kg) weight of luggage (or baggage) carried per passenger.
These bar charts illustrate the
number
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 of airline
crew
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 like pilots and stewards needed to fly a passenger
plane
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 between Australia and other different countries, the figures for
passengers
Fix the agreement mistake
passenger
show examples
complaints
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 per
plane
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 journey made on these routes, and the average kg weight of luggage carried per traveller. It is clear from the data that destinations with the highest
number
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 of
crew
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members
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also
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 received many travellers
complaints
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. Unlike countries like New Zealand with only 6
crew
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members
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 for each
plane
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 and no more than 15
complaints
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.
According to
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 what is shown,
Germany
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 got the highest
number
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 of workers on its journey with around 15
members
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 per
plane
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.
On the other hand
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,
Germany
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also
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 received
complaints
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 more than any other country on the chart. Indonesia comes in second place straight after
Germany
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 in both categories,
number
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 of
crew
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 with 11
members
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 per flight and around 32 feedback from passengers.
Moreover
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, flights to Malaysia carry only 8
crew
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members
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 for each
plane
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, and no less than 30 travellers on each route are unhappy about the experience. The average weight of bags and luggage,
on the other hand
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, illustrates low levels between 1kg and 6kg per person.
To sum up
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, we could say that,
Germany
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, Indonesia and Malaysia show a high
number
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 of
crew
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members
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 and clients
complaints
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 unlike, New Zealand.
For instance
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, the level of weight of luggage in New Zealand is more than the other three countries.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 76%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, crew, plane, complaints, members, germany with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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