Health and Lifestyle Choices • "A person's health is largely determined by their lifestyle choices, and not by access to healthcare. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is often argued that
lifestyle
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is essential to healthy living,
while
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others claim that
healthcare
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is beneficial to maintain
Correct article usage
a persons
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persons
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person's
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overall
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well-being.
Although
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government
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the government
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provides numerous
health
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benefits, the vast majority
lives
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live
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a sedentary
lifestyle
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, making them less active,
therefore
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I agree with the first view.
Healthcare
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systems are playing a pivotal role in delivering basic necessities of lives
such
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as subsidized medicines,
long term
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long-term
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care and social security.
This
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allows
general
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the general
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public to enjoy
frequent
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a frequent
the frequent
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supply of
healthcare
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facilities at their doorstep, which is often imperative to lead a normal life.
This
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is to say, the services provided by
state
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the state
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appeal to those who are in their sixties and require assistance at
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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level.
For example
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,
National
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the National
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Health
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Service cater
the
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for the
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required needs of the elderly and
provide
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provides
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aid in times of emergency.
However
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, the contribution made by
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government
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the government
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is not sufficient in most cases because of the population size, and they are unable to serve
due to
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funds issues. The fact remains that personal
health
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is largely dependent on the
lifestyle
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choices which have been applied in daily lives
for instance
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diet, physical activity and sleeping routine. Because of the consumer-based market fast foods have become very common in recent times,
resulted
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resulting
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in altered eating habits of almost
entire
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the entire
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population.
Moreover
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,
due to
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the collaboration of giant
cooperation’s
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cooperation
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with the advertisement companies it has become very difficult to search
healthy
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for healthy
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eating options, and people end up eating processed food.
Furthermore
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, with each passing year fast food industry has become stronger than ever, and
had
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has
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changed the
overall
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look of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society,
for
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this
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reason, I agree that people have consciously changed their
lifestyle
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choices, and it is the primary reason behind
health
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-related issues. In conclusion, despite the
healthcare
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facilities made available by the
government
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, the overwhelming majority eat unhealthy food for pleasure, not to stay fit, and I believe
that is
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the underlying cause of all the
health
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problems.

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task response
Make sure to clearly differentiate between the two views in your introduction, and provide a more balanced discussion of both perspectives before stating your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. For example, words like 'furthermore', 'however', and 'on the one hand' can help in connecting ideas more smoothly.
task response
Include specific and varied examples to illustrate your points more effectively. For instance, when discussing lifestyle choices, you might want to provide examples of healthy habits or statistics regarding health outcomes related to lifestyle.
task response
You showed a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids readability.
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