IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that having sports in schools is a waste of time and resources, while others believe that sports in school are a vital part of education. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion

There is no denying the fact that
sports
Use synonyms
 take
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 part of our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
, The question is, it's a waste of time to included
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
 or it will benefit the
students
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I'm going to
discusse
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both views and give my opinion in the end. On the one hand,
sports
Use synonyms
 is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 class to have in
schools
Use synonyms
 it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 health and fitness.
In other words
Linking Words
, some people call it the
wright
Correct your spelling
right
show examples
 mind in the
wright
Correct your spelling
right
show examples
 body, from
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 words we can
conclued
Correct your spelling
conclude
concluded
 that
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 body health is
also
Linking Words
 important to their education.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the goal of
schools
Use synonyms
 is to learn and to get a job in future,
sports
Use synonyms
 would benefit people in the jobs part.
For example
Linking Words
, most pro football players
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
played football in school and
this
Linking Words
 made them start their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 as a football
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 need to build
stadium
Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
show examples
 to give the
students
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, building a stadium will cost the
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 amount of money that could build another school with
this
Linking Words
 amount of money.
In addition
Linking Words
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 have 8
classes
Use synonyms
 on the day one of them will go to
sports
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 class would go
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 important subject.
For instance
Linking Words
, English subject will benefit the student hugely in future with his career bath, because
know
Correct your spelling
now
show examples
 every company need someone who
speak
Change the verb form
speaks
show examples
 English smoothly. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
Linking Words
 question. But I tend to believe that having
sports
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 will be more
beneficially
Change the word
beneficial
show examples
 to the
students
Use synonyms
 than to leaving them without these important
classes
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Make sure to use proper grammar and punctuation throughout your essay. For example, phrases like 'it's a waste of time' should be 'is it a waste of time.' Additionally, using the correct forms of words, such as 'included' instead of 'include,' will enhance clarity.
structure
Provide a clearer introduction with a thesis statement that outlines your key arguments. This will guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
content
Include more concrete examples and evidence to support your points, especially on the consequences of having sports in schools versus not having them.
content
You present both sides of the argument clearly, which shows a balanced view of the issue.
structure
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion nicely, indicating your stance on the issue clearly, which helps to wrap up your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health improvement
  • Life skills
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Dealing with failure
  • Managing stress
  • Academic performance
  • School spirit
  • Strain school budgets
  • Sports-related injuries
  • Essential subjects and activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: