IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or a health club, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, it is argued that it is better to join a gym or a health club in order to stay healthy
while
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 some other
people
Use synonyms
 argue that walking and other everyday
activities
Use synonyms
 are sufficient.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and will provide examples in order to arrive at a conclusion.
To begin
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 with, gyms and exercise centres offer a plethora of paraphernalia for different types of
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 and,
as a result
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, an individual has a lot of choices
while
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 doing work out.
Furthermore
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, more expensive
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 are
also
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avialable
Correct your spelling
available
 which a normal person can'
t
Use synonyms
 afford
also
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 they are the best place for bodybuilders.
For instance
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, a study conducted by a health department suggests that almost 55% of individuals prefer to go to a gymnasium
instead
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 of performing exercise at their own homes or at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 nearby park.
Therefore
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,
atheletic
Correct your spelling
athletic
 clubs
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 a better place when a person wants to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
. On the flip side, gyms typically tend to be more expensive. So,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who don'
t
Use synonyms
 want to spend a lot of money will automatically switch to more cheaper alternatives.
Moreover
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,
people
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 don'
t
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 necessarily have to do strenuous
activities
Use synonyms
 to stay fit but can simply do other normal
activities
Use synonyms
, like walking, that we come across every single day. In
contrary
Correct your spelling
contrast
show examples
 to expensive
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, most
activities
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, and
people
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, don'
t
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 require the
mojority
Correct your spelling
majority
 of instruments that recreational centers provide.
Thus
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, most
people
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 can get away with doing normal physical work with limited,
such
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 as yoga mats,
impedimenta
Correct word choice
and impedimenta
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. In conclusion, the
mojority
Correct your spelling
majority
 of
people
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 are better off doing exercise at their homes or local
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 than
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 huge sums of money on fitness centres.In my opinion, I would recommend
people
Use synonyms
 to do
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 in their homes
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 in
a fitness centres
Correct the article-noun agreement
a fitness centre
fitness centres
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate your main argument and personal opinion in the conclusion. You stated your opinion but it could be reinforced with more emphasis on reasons behind it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to ensure a more logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words effectively to connect your thoughts better.
Task Achievement
Expand on and connect your examples to your main arguments more explicitly to provide a stronger support for your points.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced view of the two perspectives regarding fitness options, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay introduction clearly states the two positions, which sets a clear context for the discussion that follows.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cardiovascular health
  • resistance training
  • physical endurance
  • muscle tone
  • caloric expenditure
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivational factor
  • fitness regimen
  • holistic health
  • sustainable exercise habit
  • metabolic rate
  • physical exertion
  • exercise consistency
  • health maintenance
What to do next:
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