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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Oil
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 is one of the essential fuels in many countries, it is a great deal to spend
money
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 on it. Some
people
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 think
that is
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 a waste of time and
money
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 to find it,
while
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 others think that should need to look for advancing new powers. I completely agree with the former notion as
oil
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 is not sustainable and has a detrimental effect on the
environment
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. On the one hand,
oil
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 is the most common commodity in certain states as it ameliorates the economy and is
also
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 a widely used source in factories, households and many other commercial levels.
Consequently
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, it is high in demand and in the future run out of it.
Therefore
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, it is better to spend
money
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 on locating it.
Secondly
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, it
also
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 provides recognition among other countries.
For example
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, Iran and Saudi Arabia are the biggest
oil
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 transporters in the whole world which soared in GDP.
On the other hand
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,
oil
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 is not a sustainable source of energy and burning of fuel causes negative effects on the
environment
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 as it produces carbon mono-oxide which is harmful to humans and living things,
Furthermore
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,
oil
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 is an expensive source of energy, but it is worth the
money
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 to spend on wind, solar and hydro-power as it budget or
environment
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 friendly. Searching the location and different of producing these has multiple cheaper options for
people
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 and improves the way of living.
For instance
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, In Pakistan
people
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 install solar plates in their homes to reduce financial stress and it is affordable.
As a result
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,
people
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 have a reduction in electricity bills and it is the best utilization of natural resources. In conclusion,
Although
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 the
oil
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 trade has increased the country's economy and
also
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 provided recognition.
However
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, looking and spending on extraction or other renewable resources are budget-friendly and have beneficial effects on the
environment
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. In that way, there are equal balance between using natural sources

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position regarding the topic. Consider rephrasing it to emphasize your agreement with developing new sources of power and your reasons for this.
coherence and cohesion
Transition words can enhance the flow of your essay. Consider using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' to better connect your ideas.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your main points with more detailed analysis. For example, discuss why renewable energy sources might be more reliable or beneficial than oil.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and clarity. Phrases like 'another commercial level' can be made clearer.
task achievement
You presented a clear position in your essay, showing agreement with developing renewable energy sources.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as Iran and Saudi Arabia, to support your points about oil.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and reinforces your stance.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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