IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past it was only possible to contact people at home by letter or telephone. Nowadays, mobile devices mean that we can communicate with people anywhere and at any time. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 used written
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
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or
Correct your spelling
of
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 communication like letters in
olden
Correct article usage
the olden
show examples
 days, and later telephone was used by many. Currently, electronic devices are used by all for communications at every stage. In
this
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 essay, I will list
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and cons of using mobile
phones
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 and share how its benefits are more significant than demerits.
To begin
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 with, mobiles help
people
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 to stay connected.
People
Use synonyms
 around the world use them to stay in touch with
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 loved ones.
For example
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, young students studying
aboard
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abroad
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 can easily contact their parents and friends in their home country, anytime they want.
Meeting
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Meetings
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 can be held on applications
such
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 as Meet or Zoom calls to discuss work progress or review. It is
quick
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the quick
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 and easiest way to talk to
people
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 sitting across the globe.
Similary
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Similarly
,
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this
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these
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 portable
phones
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 are
convinent
Correct your spelling
convenient
 to carry everywhere.
For example
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, parents give mobiles to their children when they go to play in parks or on play
date
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dates
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.
This
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 helps parents to track their kids and their safety through
GPS
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a GPS
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 system
in
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apply
show examples
built
in
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into
show examples
 the mobile device ,
that
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which
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 helps find their location. It is an essential need in today's world
,
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apply
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 when security is
everyones
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everyone's
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 priority.
Subsequently
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, mobile devices are
great
Add an article
a great
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 source of navigating
instructment
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instructions
.
For instance
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, If a person
lost
Wrong verb form
loses
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 his or her way,
then
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google
Capitalize word
Google
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map
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Maps
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 can be used to find the route. Using mobiles for navigation among
tourist
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tourists
show examples
 is common.
On the other hand
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, it
is causes
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causes
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 distraction and social isolation.
People
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 at work can be distracted
due to
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 their
phones
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 and can be less effective. Some
people
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 can be glued to their devices, and feel
isolate
Change the form of the verb
isolated
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 as they
me
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apply
show examples
loss
Replace the word
lose
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ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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interact
Fix the infinitive
to interact
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 face to face. Others
,
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apply
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 can get addicted to games and social media
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can affect
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 mental health. In
conclusions
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conclusion
show examples
, I believe, there are some disadvantages
using
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to using
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
, leading to
distrubance
Correct your spelling
disturbance
 and
additions
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addiction
show examples
.
However
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,
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
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 outweigh all limitations.
As mobile
Correct word choice
Mobile
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 handsets have proven to be a revolutionary in the communication world, allowing us to stay in contact with our families, friends and colleagues
as well as
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 easy to carry and access to our needs.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider improving clarity and structure in your introduction by making a clearer thesis statement that outlines your main points more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use appropriate connectors to improve the flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs. For example, use 'Additionally,' or 'Moreover,' to link ideas.
Task Achievement
Check for grammatical errors and typos such as 'there loved ones' (should be 'their loved ones'), 'this portable phones are convenient' (should be 'these portable phones are convenient'), to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your arguments, try to provide more specific examples or data that directly illustrate your points about the advantages and disadvantages of mobile devices.
Task Achievement
You have successfully identified both advantages and disadvantages of mobile communication, showing a balanced perspective on the topic.
Task Achievement
Your examples, such as using GPS for children's safety and Google Maps for navigation, effectively support your main points and demonstrate real-world applications of mobile devices.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Geographical boundaries
  • International audience
  • Social movements
  • Convenience
  • Flexibility
  • Emergency contacts
  • Productivity
  • Information accessibility
  • Dependency
  • Over-reliance
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Privacy issues
  • Work-life boundaries
  • Uninterrupted personal time
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