IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, the gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider in some countries of the world. What problems can this situation cause? What solutions should be taken?

In many countries,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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income
Use synonyms
 inequality has been broadened widely recently.
This
Linking Words
 growing disparity leads to negative consequences
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both society and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the causes of
huge
Add an article
the huge
a huge
show examples
 gap between rich and poor and provide some possible solutions. Admittedly, by no means should we deny that
income
Use synonyms
 inequality
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
significant
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a significant
show examples
 negative impact. First of all,
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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 number of crimes could be a result. The population who live
under
Change preposition
in
show examples
poverty
Use synonyms
 do not have enough money to support their living cost. When their basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 and food
cannnot
Correct your spelling
cannot
 be satisfied, the pressure forces them to do
somethings
Fix the agreement mistake
something
show examples
 illegal, so the crime rates will rise.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
huge
Add an article
the huge
a huge
show examples
 gap can
also
Linking Words
 cause a
cycle
Use synonyms
 of
poverty
Use synonyms
. Money is needed in order to attend
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 and training, which cannot be afforded by some poor households.
As a result
Linking Words
, the next
genenration
Correct your spelling
generation
 of them still
maintain
Correct subject-verb agreement
maintains
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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a low level of
education
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. They do not have enough knowledge or skills to achieve high
salary
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salaries
show examples
, resulting in a vicious
cycle
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 of
poverty
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 hard to break. There is no doubt that some solutions can be used to solve these issues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government can increase the progressive
tax
Use synonyms
. By charging higher
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
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income
Use synonyms
 people and lower
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 people, the
tax
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 of
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 households can be used to subsidy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 families, so the average living quality
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 improved.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government can provide
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 to
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 population for free.
Through
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way, people can all learn something useful which
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
 them to find a proper job with
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 salary.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will eventually step out of
poverty
Use synonyms
 and the vicious
cycle
Use synonyms
 will no longer exist. In conclusion, in view of what I have illustrated above,
gap
Add an article
the gap
show examples
 between rich and poor leads to crime and
Use synonyms
cycle
Correct article usage
the cycle
show examples
 of
poverty
Use synonyms
. The government can introduce
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 and offer
education
Use synonyms
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue. Only by balancing the
income
Use synonyms
 inequality can we achieve better economic development.

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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides relevant points, but be sure to add more depth and detail to support your arguments. For instance, including statistics or studies related to income inequality could strengthen your case.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay. This will help guide the reader through your points more clearly, making the connections between ideas more evident.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for a good score.
Task Achievement
Your writing addresses significant problems associated with income inequality and suggests practical solutions, showing an awareness of the topic's complexity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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