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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries today, major cities have become too big and overcrowded. Why it is? What methods could be taken to reduce this problem?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many people are moving to large cities, leading to overcrowding.
This
Linking Words
 trend can be attributed to several factors, but various strategies can be implemented to reduce the level of urbanisation.
Body
One of the reasons for overpopulation is the opportunities which major cities offer. Many educational zones and work facilities are situated in metropolises. So, many individuals are moving there in order to expand their knowledge and find better job opportunities. Their desire to build a more successful future leads them to a crowded, but developed , capital.
For instance
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, the majority of people are originally from different regions, coming to cities to escape from unemployment in their villages.
Moreover
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, modern lifestyle and entertainment are other driving factors, which bring them to metropolises. Unlike the countryside, capitals are surrounded by various modern facilities
such
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 as shopping malls and restaurants. To pursue a higher standard of living, many individuals tend to live in urban areas,
although
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 they are overpopulated.
Conclusion
There are two main measures that should be taken to diminish
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, constructing these types of modern facilities all over the nation, not only in major metropolises. If the government provide rural residents with these services, there would be no need to rural-to-urban movement. As an example, the authorities of Uzbekistan are now building world-class amenities
such
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 as stadiums and parks in other provinces , too.
As a result
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, people start to move away from Tashkent to other regions, significantly impacting the urbanisation. Another viable solution is creating job opportunities
together with
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 highly educated universities and schools. It gives them an opportunity to earn a stable income and access to enhanced education , even in small towns. So, they prefer to stay in their villages,
instead
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 of visiting the overcrowded capital.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Say clearly why cities get too big, and say how each step can help.
coherence and cohesion
Add a short ending. A clear last line can make your essay feel more complete.
task response
Make some ideas more exact. For example, explain more how new jobs and schools in small towns can stop people from moving.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words like 'because', 'so', 'also', and 'for example'. This will make your flow smoother.
task response
You answered both questions and stayed on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphing, and each body paragraph has one main focus.
task response
You used an example about Uzbekistan, which helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a clear order from cause to solution.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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