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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than working together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Some
students
Use synonyms
 have been taught to be the best and push themselves beyond their limits,
instead
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 of collaborating with
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
 for the general public.
This
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 essay will discuss the advantages of
this
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 situation including improving solo skills and learning how to be independent.
This
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 essay will
also
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 discuss the disadvantages including adopting bad morals and alleviating togetherness amongst
students
Use synonyms
. I believe that the drawbacks of
this
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 educational strategy outweigh the benefits.
Body paragraph 1
The competition between learners can be very useful for their
acadamic
Correct your spelling
academic
advancing
Replace the word
advancement
show examples
. It encourages them to improve themselves and work on their weaknesses.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 their
acadamic preformance
Correct your spelling
academic performance
 will upgrade as well.
For example
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, giving
honor
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honour
show examples
 certificates in schools to the top
students
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 will motivate everyone to work hard and be one of the elite.
Body paragraph 2
Despite the beneficial impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the educational process, the high competition might lead to adverse implications ,
such
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 as reducing
team work
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teamwork
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
 and gaining
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 traits like selfishness. The constant racing between children and the strong desire to outrace their peers prevent them from helping
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
.
Becaues
Correct your spelling
Because
 they are afraid that the others will exceed them, which can lead to
feel
Change the verb form
feeling
show examples
 inferior.
This
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 situation might develop
an
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apply
show examples
unintentional selfishness as a method of protection.
For instance
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, some pupils in schools tend to keep any helpful advice or information away from their classmates in order to maintain their excellence.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the race between
students
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for their
acadamic
Correct your spelling
academic
 progress and their skills as well.
However
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, it can be advantageous, since it might trigger some immoral behavior and weaken the team spirit of
students
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, I am convinced that the disadvantages are more significant than the advantages.

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coherence
Try to enhance the logical flow between your points by using more cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. Providing a clear roadmap can help the reader understand what to expect.
task achievement
Elaborate on your examples further to strengthen your arguments. Providing more in-depth analysis of each point will enrich your essay.
task achievement
Work on your spelling and grammatical accuracy, as small mistakes can impact your overall impression. For instance, 'acadamic' should be 'academic' and 'eachother' should be 'each other'.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which shows critical thinking skills.
coherence
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and restates your position clearly, maintaining the focus of your essay.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • personal growth
  • competitive edge
  • work ethic
  • strive for
  • peer pressure
  • stress/anxiety
  • self-esteem
  • collaboration
  • critical thinking
  • professional environments
  • dishonest tactics
  • teamwork
  • interpersonal skills
  • educational collaboration
  • sense of community
  • shared goals
  • balance
  • mitigate
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