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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that education should help students to be useful to the whole society, other people think that education should provide students with opportunities to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
this
Linking Words
 time of age, whether or not
education
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 needs
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
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students
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 to be more useful to the whole
society
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 or
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
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 personal
ambitions
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been gaining
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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popularity as a topic of public concern attracting controversies from different groups. Some claim that personal
ambitions
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a better choice,
while
Linking Words
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 others stand on opposite ground. They take the
view
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 that cultivating
students
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 to be more useful for
society
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 is the main function of
education
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. It is certainly understandable for
people
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 from different backgrounds to develop different interpretations
on
Change preposition
of
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 the same issues. Those who believe children should be taught to be useful for
society
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 hold their
view
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due to
Linking Words
 the following reasons: first and foremost, universities prepare
students
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 for significant jobs that help
society
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 and countries.
For instance
Linking Words
, without careers like doctors, lawyers, and nurses,
people
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 may not be able to survive, since new diseases or
crimies
Correct your spelling
crimes
 may appear in the future. What is more, universities need to attract new professors who have intelligent brains to teach their
students
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.
This
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 leads to growth in opportunities and aids unemployed
people
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 to obtain jobs.
Finally
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, I completely agree that
people
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 should have university degrees to help their
society
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.
However
Linking Words
, it is certainly understandable for
people
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 to believe that
education
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 acts as
the
Correct article usage
a
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 way to develop personal
ambitions
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. Family members are making an effort to earn high salaries and invest it in their youngsters' development and study. The main reason for
that is
Linking Words
 they believe that their investments will definitely return their successful, respectful and reputed generations to the foreseeable future. Members desire to have a good living standard for their family so elders and teachers always advise young entities to study hard. By investing they bring their kids to previous and high-quality, modern schools which urge every pupil to be educated and find a suitable occupation among their friends because a well-educated workforce can drive innovation and productivity, contributing to their financial progress and personal satisfaction. With the same atmosphere, every child tries and studies hard. Taking all factors into consideration, it is not difficult to come to the conclusion that it is significant that
education
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 should help
students
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 to be useful in
society
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 since the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
view
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 holds more water. From my point of
view
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, I am absolutely convinced that dedication to
society
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 is much more beneficial for personal
ambitions
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.

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task achievement
The essay presents both views but could elaborate more on each perspective, especially providing clearer and more comprehensive arguments.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be improved for smoother flow, enhancing readability.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion and presents both sides of the argument, which aligns with the task requirements.
task achievement
The incorporation of examples adds depth to the arguments, making points more relatable and understandable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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