IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying that fact
taht
Correct your spelling
that
 students are faced
massive
Change preposition
with massive
show examples
 strain from their families that required them to
succed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 it is
commonly
Correct article usage
a commonly
show examples
 held belief that
Use synonyms
subject
Change the noun form
subjects
show examples
 like cookery and physical education should
omiting
Correct your spelling
omitting
 from the school syllabus. There is
alson
Correct your spelling
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
young people should concentrate on academic work due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 importance,
To begin
Linking Words
 with, non-academic material
shoiuld
Correct your spelling
should
 take a lot of time and effort from the learners.
In other words
Linking Words
, when the students focus on
subjects
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 not important that will not help them in practical life.
For example
Linking Words
,
reserchers
Correct your spelling
researchers
 show the statistics that represent
comparing
Correct your spelling
a comparison
show examples
between
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
subjects
Change noun form
subject's
subjects'
show examples
 importance, and the study result
provide
Verb problem
shows
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 that physical education
gaind
Correct your spelling
and
gained
 the lower percentage among the other
subjects
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, emphasis that academic
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 are the priority. Another point to consider, non-academic resources influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
GPA
Fix the agreement mistake
GPAs
show examples
. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that universities in acceptance
focusing
Replace the word
focus
show examples
 on academic
subjets
Correct your spelling
subjects
show examples
 and require
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
high marks, so
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 know that
totaly
Correct your spelling
total
 grade depends on all
subject
Use synonyms
 marks which will play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, If
student
Correct article usage
a student
show examples
doing
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
 in all
subjects
Use synonyms
 but he was bad
cooking
Change preposition
at cooking
show examples
, he will get a low mark in cookery
subject
Use synonyms
 which will
defeniltly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 reflect negatively on
GPA
Correct pronoun usage
his GPA
show examples
. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that children must concentrate on academic
subjects
Use synonyms
instead
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 of non-academic
Correct pronoun usage
ones becuase
show examples
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 it is not
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for them, and it might
be prevint
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 them
to join
Change preposition
from joining
show examples
 the best universities.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your position on the topic without ambiguity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that sentences are grammatically correct; for example, correct "succeed" to "succeed" and "required" to "requiring."
task achievement
Provide more balanced viewpoints in the discussion of non-academic subjects.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread for spelling and punctuation errors, such as correcting 'defeniltly' to 'definitely' and 'becuase' to 'because.'
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion regarding the importance of academic subjects.
task achievement
The examples provided were relevant and helped to support your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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