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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land become lesson productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land become lesson productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
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The given pie chart presents information about the causes that
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to
destruction
Add an article
the destruction
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 of expanded lands over the 1990s,
while
Linking Words
 the table gives data about the effects in 3
regions
Use synonyms
 ,namely North America,
Europe
Use synonyms
,
Oceania
Correct word choice
and Oceania
show examples
.  
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of over-grazing was slightly higher than other causes.Among the
Use synonyms
regions
Add a comma
regions,
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Europe
Use synonyms
 was influenced considerably
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 land degradation,whilst North America
expercienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 the lowest level of degradation.    In detail, over-grazing was the most common problem
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
regions
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
show examples
 century, accounting for 35%.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 deforestation and over-cultivation were not significantly different from the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 over-grazing. They were approximately equal, making up nearly one-third.
However
Linking Words
, North America
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 constituted over-cultivation
3.3
Change preposition
of 3.3
show examples
%, was impacted minimally among
regions
Use synonyms
 and it was 5%
totally
Change the word
total
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.
Europe
Use synonyms
 suffered from deforestation
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 9.8 %.
While
Linking Words
 the general percentage in Oceania was lower than the indicator for
Europe
Use synonyms
, the rate of over-grazing peaked at 11.3%. Fortunately, over-cultivation did not affect Oceania at all over a
ten year
Add a hyphen
ten-year
show examples
 period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words regions, europe with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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