prison is an effective punishment when the break law. do you agree or disagree ?

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While
Linking Words
it is believed that
prison
Use synonyms
is
impact
Wrong verb form
impacted
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to
Change preposition
by
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crime.
while
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faith that it is a
system
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designed as close to breaking point, so many young people end up in our Criminal Justice
System
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, and no business would be allowed to run as poorly as our incarceration
system
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have
Change the verb form
has
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run in all
country ever
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countries
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. One major flaw in the
prison
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system
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is it may trigger
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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health damage and emotional instability.
Therefore
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individuals take part in re-offenders, the astounding fact children between 12 and 16 are able to steal out of desperation,
moreover
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begin to more criminal activity and all
this
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owing to many. Rather than addressing
by
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apply
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the root causes of criminal activity,
such
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as poverty, or mental health issues, jail often works as
punishment
Correct article usage
a punishment
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warehouse.
Although
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despite it
is flaws
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is flawed
show examples
,
prison
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plays a crucial role in maintaining public stability. For serious crimes
such
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as murder, assault or terrorism, it is often the only key to
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
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society
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society's
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peace and
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
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further
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harm.
Fortunately
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Fortunately,
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some of
country
Add an article
the country
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incarceration focus on rehabilitation rather than punishment, and
this
Linking Words
led to offenders impressively low rates of relapsing into illegal activity In conclusion, the
prison
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service is far from perfect, it remains an essential tool for controlling illegal
,
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apply
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because the
mainly
Change the adverb
main
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prison
Use synonyms
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
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for viewing them.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
What
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is truly needed is not the complete removal of imprisonment, but rather a change in how it is applied - one that prioritizes both justice and the potential for reform.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and is connected to the previous one. Transition phrases can help link your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Clarify your arguments by providing more specific examples and details related to your points, which will strengthen your overall message.
grammar and vocabulary
Revise sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreements and the use of articles as they often affect meaning.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic of prison as punishment and presents both sides of the argument, which is a good practice in IELTS writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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