IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

“Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There is an ongoing debate about whether
prevention
Use synonyms
 is a more effective method than treating
diseases
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the considerable cost of researching and curing. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
While
Linking Words
 taking
precautions
Use synonyms
 prevents people from being ill,
research
Use synonyms
 and development efforts for
treatment
Use synonyms
 play an equally crucial role in managing the negative consequences of
diseases
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, preventative measures have a great impact on fighting against
diseases
Use synonyms
 as a cost-saving method.
This
Linking Words
 is because
prevention
Use synonyms
 is more likely to eliminate the probability of being ill by taking effective
precautions
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as a well-balanced diet and regularly taking vitamins, which in turn help the immune system to become more resilient.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Sweden, rather than investing too much money in
treatment
Use synonyms
, the government encourages people to use vitamin D during the winter days, aiming at reducing the probability of having a cold.
Therefore
Linking Words
, effective and affordable
precautions
Use synonyms
 can provide a reduction in the total cost of fighting against
diseases
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of allocating more resources to
treatment
Use synonyms
 methods.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one of the main reasons for paying attention to
research
Use synonyms
 and development is that
prevention
Use synonyms
 efforts may not totally diminish the risk of being ill. There are certain
diseases
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as cancer, that cannot always be prevented, meaning that continued investment in
research
Use synonyms
 is essential to develop effective treatments.
TFor
Correct your spelling
For
 example, studies show that a significant number of lung cancer patients have never smoked, demonstrating that even widely recommended
prevention
Use synonyms
 methods,
such
Linking Words
 as avoiding tobacco, cannot guarantee protection against the disease.
Thus
Linking Words
, authorities should push toward more technologically advanced solutions through
research
Use synonyms
 and development to save people's lives when
precautions
Use synonyms
 may not be feasible.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the choice between
prevention
Use synonyms
 and
treatment
Use synonyms
 should depend on the type of disease in question.
While
Linking Words
precautions
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as vaccination and lifestyle changes, are efficient and affordable for preventable illnesses, continued investment in
treatment
Use synonyms
 remains essential for more complex
diseases
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as cancer, that cannot always be avoided.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your view more exact in the first paragraph. You say you partly agree, but your ending says the choice should depend on the disease. Say from the start that money should go to both areas, with more prevention where it can work.
task response
Explain the Sweden example with more care. Vitamin D may help some people, but it does not clearly stop colds. A stronger example would be vaccines, clean water, or checks for high blood pressure.
task response
Add one more clear reason why research is worth its high cost, such as new drugs helping many people over time or treatment saving people when prevention fails.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “prevention”, “precautions”, and “preventative measures”. This is fine, but using “prevention” more often will make the main idea easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and carry many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the link between cause and result is clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Fix the typing error “TFor example”. Also, “push toward” is not natural here. Write “support more advanced research” instead.
task response
You give a clear view: prevention is very useful, but treatment and research are still needed. Both main parts answer the question well.
task response
Your examples about vitamin D in Sweden and lung cancer support your main points and make the essay more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear ending. The order of ideas is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “Thus”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventative measures
  • public health campaigns
  • vaccination programmes
  • regular health screening
  • early detection
  • healthy lifestyle choices
  • chronic diseases
  • reduce the risk of illness
  • hospital admissions
  • long-term healthcare costs
  • cost-effective policies
  • medical treatment
  • life-saving research
  • genetic conditions
  • infectious diseases
  • health education
  • allocate public funds
  • a balanced approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: