IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning your father language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweight disadvantages?

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Some experts argue that
students
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 should learn foreign
languages
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 since they are in primary
school
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 because
children
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 can be more focused with fewer concerns.
And
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Although
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although
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 some argue that younger
students
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 can be stressed if they learn too early, I still think that the proper learning styles can mitigate the disadvantages and its advantages
outweight
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outweigh
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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. One of the main benefits of learning
father
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languages
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 since primary
school
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 is it allows younger learners to purely focus on learning without burdens. The subjects and homework given by teachers in a primary
school
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 are usually easier and less than those in a secondary
school
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.
As a result
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,
children
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 will have more time to learn, revise, and practice foreign
languages
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, improving their skills far more effectively.
For example
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, many Asian kids have learned English since they were in kindergarten or primary
school
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 because they can learn
this
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 language faster and can be equipped well.
Therefore
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,
father
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languages
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 can be incorporated
to
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into
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school
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 curricula from an early stage like primary
school
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.
On the other hand
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, there might be some drawbacks of teaching
father
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languages
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 in primary
school
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 if educators push excessive pressure on learners, making them too stressed. If teaching
languages
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 are not conveyed properly,
students
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 will tend to deny them and probably hate learning
languages
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.
Moreover
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, it can
also
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 affect
children
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's mental health.
However
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,
this
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 concern can be addressed by providing appropriate styles of learning which depend on
children
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's ages.
For instance
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, younger
students
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 in grade 1 or 2 can start learning
languages
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 by playing games
instead
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 of participating in lecture classes, encouraging them to have positive views of learning. In conclusion,
although
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 teaching
father
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languages
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 in primary
school
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 can be too stressful for youngsters, the advantages of learning at
the
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a
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 younger age are far more significant. As
students
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 can be more focused and develop their abilities more effectively without concerns, learning
languages
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 will definitely benefit them.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly presents both sides of the argument and indicates which side you support. This will improve the clarity of your position in the introduction.
task achievement
Make sure to provide a balance between advantages and disadvantages, with equal emphasis on both in your body paragraphs. This will create a more comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of linking words and phrases is good, but varying them could enhance the flow of ideas. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect your sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
Consider adding more detailed examples and explanations for your points to strengthen your arguments. This will help in elaborating on your ideas and making them more persuasive.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss and provides a good roadmap for the essay.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and have provided relevant arguments in favor of early language learning.
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