IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People nowadays tend to have children at older ages. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s society, it has become increasingly common for people to have
children
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 later in life.
This
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 essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 trend and argue that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. One major advantage of having
children
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 at an older age is financial stability. Older parents are more likely to have established careers and stable incomes, allowing them to provide a better quality of life for their
children
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.
Moreover
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, they often have more life experience and emotional maturity, which helps them raise their
children
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 in a more thoughtful and responsible way. On the downside, older parents may face more health risks during pregnancy and childbirth, particularly for women.
Additionally
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, they might have less physical energy to engage in activities with their
children
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, which can affect the parent-child relationship.
To conclude
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,
although
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 having
children
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 at an older age may present some challenges,
such
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 as health concerns and reduced energy, the financial security and emotional readiness of older parents provide a strong foundation for raising
children
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.
Therefore
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, the advantages of
this
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 trend outweigh the disadvantages.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing specific examples or statistics to support your points about financial stability and emotional maturity.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the introduction gives a clear overview, try rephrasing for clarity and adding a more explicit thesis statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion is solid, but try to summarize the main points briefly before stating your opinion to strengthen your conclusion further.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear argument with well-defined advantages and disadvantages of having children at an older age.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of paragraphs to separate points, which enhances readability and organization of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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