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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most siginificant influence. Discuss both views and opinion.

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It is argued that in terms of infants' development, the father and mother play the most vital role,
whereas
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 opponents think that others are the most influential.
This
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 essay will explain both notions and suggest that a family is the base of any development for juveniles.
To begin
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 with,
parents
Use synonyms
 are naturally responsible for their babies' productivity. To be more precise, when a newborn comes to
this
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 world, they can see first their bearers, and they realise within a few days that
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 are their sole and reliable source of survival.
Although
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 they gradually grow up
,
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apply
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 and discover other options that might influence them, they prioritize their
parents
Use synonyms
' opinions for every single matter. Studies have shown that, as an example, young starts, who spend most of their time with their
parents
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, are more effective in solving problems in their professional field.
On the other hand
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, some experts believe that other things like electronic devices have more power to control youngsters than their guardians.
In other words
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, in today's world,
parents
Use synonyms
 do not have proper support to take their babies out for different activities that they prefer to do.
Therefore
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, they provide an iPad in their hands to keep them engaged so that
parents
Use synonyms
 can finish their routine activities.
While
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 watching television or cartoons on those devices, infants save themselves in their brains, resulting in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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addiction to different other things.
Although
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 some other things might break kids' concentrations, I personally believe that
,
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apply
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 guardians are the most effective pioneers for their babies' development. Because they influence them throughout their lives.
Consequently
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, youngsters are in the family bondings in their entire life. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons,
while
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 friends or contemporary devices could be manipulating reasons, forbearers are the most influential people for their kids because of their staying together and getting valuable guidance from them.

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task achievement
Ensure that the points made in your essay are more explicitly supported with examples and evidence. This will strengthen your argument and provide clarity.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, try to enhance the linking phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas, for better flow.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and presents the two views clearly, setting the stage for the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your opinion, reflecting a clear stance on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • values
  • norms
  • emotional support
  • psychological growth
  • educational tool
  • cognitive development
  • social influencers
  • social skills
  • balanced influence
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