Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most siginificant influence. Discuss both views and opinion.

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It is argued that in terms of infants' development, the father and mother play the most vital role,

whereas

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opponents think that others are the most influential.

This

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essay will explain both notions and suggest that a family is the base of any development for juveniles.

To begin

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with,

parents

Use synonyms

are naturally responsible for their babies' productivity. To be more precise, when a newborn comes to

this

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world, they can see first their bearers, and they realise within a few days that

Use synonyms

parents

Correct pronoun usage

their parents

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are their sole and reliable source of survival.

Although

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they gradually grow up

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and discover other options that might influence them, they prioritize their

parents

Use synonyms

' opinions for every single matter. Studies have shown that, as an example, young starts, who spend most of their time with their

parents

Use synonyms

, are more effective in solving problems in their professional field.

On the other hand

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, some experts believe that other things like electronic devices have more power to control youngsters than their guardians.

In other words

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, in today's world,

parents

Use synonyms

do not have proper support to take their babies out for different activities that they prefer to do.

Therefore

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, they provide an iPad in their hands to keep them engaged so that

parents

Use synonyms

can finish their routine activities.

While

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watching television or cartoons on those devices, infants save themselves in their brains, resulting in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

addiction to different other things.

Although

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some other things might break kids' concentrations, I personally believe that

Remove the comma

apply

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guardians are the most effective pioneers for their babies' development. Because they influence them throughout their lives.

Consequently

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, youngsters are in the family bondings in their entire life. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons,

while

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friends or contemporary devices could be manipulating reasons, forbearers are the most influential people for their kids because of their staying together and getting valuable guidance from them.

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What works well

task achievement

Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and presents the two views clearly, setting the stage for the discussion.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion succinctly summarizes your opinion, reflecting a clear stance on the topic.

Improvement Suggestions

task achievement

Ensure that the points made in your essay are more explicitly supported with examples and evidence. This will strengthen your argument and provide clarity.

coherence and cohesion

In your body paragraphs, try to enhance the linking phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas, for better flow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

role models
values
norms
emotional support
psychological growth
educational tool
cognitive development
social influencers
social skills
balanced influence

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Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most siginificant influence. Discuss both views and opinion.

What works well

Improvement Suggestions

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The plans below show the site of an airport now and how it will look after redevelopment next year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career,while others belive that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. 1. Why has this change occurred? 2. Should parents force their children to spend more time at home?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?