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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that Art gives our lives meaning and purpose. Others believe that it is merely a distraction from real life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some say that
art
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-related materials
such
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 as music and paintings have
such
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 an influence on our
lives
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 and make our
lives
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 meaningful and fulfilled
while
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 others think that those things are nothing but something that can distract our attention from our
lives
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. Even though there are pros and cons
about
Change preposition
to
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this
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 topic, I support the former opinion because they can enhance
a
Correct article usage
the
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 quality of
life
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 and offer a purpose in
life
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 with joy and happiness. It is true that things like music and paintings, related to arts, are now ubiquitous and some
people
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 feel that those are essential for them to make their
lives
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 filled with meaning and satisfaction.
For example
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, a public opinion poll conducted by NHK in Japan shows that
people
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 who are
a
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apply
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significant
fan
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fans
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 of a musician or an artist are more likely to enjoy their
life
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 including their hobbies and career,
thus
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 leading to a better quality of
life
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, compared to those who do not have any interest in arts. From
this
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 data, it is clearly seen that
people
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 find
life
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 with
art
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 more meaningful and satisfying. Turning to some advantages, one of them is that spending much more time than
the
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an
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 adequate amount of time on
art
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 can have a damaging effect on our
lives
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.
That is
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 because human beings have a tendency that
we
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apply
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pay attention less to other things when concentrating on one thing, which could imply that
people
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 spending their
lives
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 with
art
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-related interests extremely tend to lose their
self control
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self-control
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 and can be easily affected by their
interest
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interests
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.
For instance
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, a large number of fandoms who were obsessed with a Korean idol, Mumbin, committed
a
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apply
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suicide when he committed suicide in his apartment.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 can be mitigated if we promote social awareness of how important our each
life
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is
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are
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 through media. In conclusion, I think that the upsides to
art
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 outweigh the downsides because
although
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 too much obsession with
art
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 can cause our
lives
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 to be ruined, living with what we like can provide our
lives
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 with meaning and goals, which can be more beneficial.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your thesis statement with a unified focus.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify the connection between your points and the overall argument to enhance coherence between ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to discuss both views regarding the role of art in life.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets a good foundation for the discussion and addresses the prompt effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aesthetic
  • cathartic
  • cultural tapestry
  • expressionism
  • fleeting
  • introspection
  • monetary value
  • nostalgia
  • profound impact
  • socioeconomic
  • subjective perspective
  • visceral response
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