IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that robots are very important to human's future development, while others believe they are dangerous and negatively affect society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, technology increases in every aspect,
according to
Linking Words
 a few, which may help for future growth,
while
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, other argues that it can be harmful and badly impact to society. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
 and share my point of view. As we notice
robots
Use synonyms
 in large-scale industries and AI in education
as well as
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 in the medical field bring the best outcomes. Students can analyse and understand everything in detail with examples,
whereas
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 doctors are beaten by diseases. Even with the help of robotic machines, big manufacturers have less
employment
Use synonyms
 risk. For illustration, because of AI and
robot
Fix the agreement mistake
robots
show examples
 car safety testing is more accurate and in some
places
Add a comma
places,
show examples
 grocery stores like Walmart use cleaning
robots
Use synonyms
 which keep the area hygienic. Everything has its advantages and disadvantages, and because of the mechanical person, human resources and
employment
Use synonyms
 are reduced. Approximately 4 to 10 people's work
covered
Add a missing verb
is covered
show examples
 by automation,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which that
show examples
 shows if robotics boosts
then
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 labour will decline. I believe that mechanism will help us to develop the future but fully
rely
Wrong verb form
relying
show examples
 on that will kill
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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mankind. If
robots
Use synonyms
 remove
employment
Use synonyms
 from factories,
then
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 they have jobs to make
robots
Use synonyms
 and maintain them. Even
robots
Use synonyms
 and AI are supporting us in our best evolution.
To sum up
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
man-made machines are beneficial
such
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 as quick results and perfection, but it is
also
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 to think of possible risks they may pose to
employment
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, with proper and ethical use
robots
Use synonyms
 can take over the drawbacks and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 them a valuable part of our future
make
Correct word choice
and make
show examples
 our tomorrow better.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be clearer; try to reformulate the thesis statement to explicitly mention your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your topic sentences clearly indicate what each paragraph will discuss for smoother transitions.
Task Achievement
Include a more balanced discussion by presenting additional arguments for the negative aspects of robots in one of the body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review your use of punctuation; correct placement can help clarify your sentences and improve readability.
Task Achievement
You effectively present both viewpoints on the topic, showcasing a balanced discussion in your essay.
Task Achievement
Your examples about the use of robots in various fields demonstrate a solid understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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