IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 state that the youth should save
money
Use synonyms
 for their future. In my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
, there is no denying that
people
Use synonyms
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 in a sustainable way. In terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
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, saving
money
Use synonyms
 contributes to cultivating their critical thinking and responsibility. Consumerism and social media manipulate young
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays to follow the trends, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
pruchasing unecessary
Correct your spelling
purchasing unnecessary
 products
such
Linking Words
 as clothes
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 trendy brands or
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 electronic devices.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
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 usually buy clothes which they only wear one or two times before discarding them. Forming a saving habit means children should plan how to spend their
money
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as well as
Linking Words
aviod
Correct your spelling
avoid
 unexpected costs by balancing the costs and value of the products. As research showed, students who have been taught how to save
moeny
Correct your spelling
money
also
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 performed well in
academy
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the academy
show examples
 and had a higher level of sense of
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
 and achievement.
People
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 should save
money
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 for
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 goals in case they run the risk of unforeseen circumstances and
emergiences
Correct your spelling
emergencies
 in the future. Health
insurance
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 guarantees that patients can afford the medical treatments to cure diseases.
Besides
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, car
insurance
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 and house
insurance
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 lower the expense and cost
due to
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 the damage of natural
disaster
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
 to the property,
such
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 as if the house is destroyed after
forest
Correct article usage
a forest
show examples
 fire, the
insurance
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 company can pay for all the
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 needed for re-construction.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It is the parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 should pay for the education of their children and it is the children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are responsible
to raise
Change preposition
for raising
show examples
 the seniors. They should invest
money
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 in long-term health care and education.
To sum up
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree that
people
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 should save
moeny
Correct your spelling
money
 for their future
instead
Linking Words
 of using up all the
money
Use synonyms
 they have at the moment.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing the introduction to clearly state your agreement or disagreement with the statement. This will help in establishing your position right from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling mistakes, such as 'pruchasing' instead of 'purchasing' and 'moeny' instead of 'money', as they slightly distract from the overall quality of the writing.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more fluidly between paragraphs. For example, you could use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Elaborate on the point about parents' responsibilities. Clarifying this with an extra example or explanation could strengthen this argument further.
task achievement
You have presented a clear stance on the issue and provided relevant points that support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay identifies the consequences of not saving, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
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