IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that
people
Use synonyms
 whose age is under 20 should wait until they turn 21 to get married. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because younger
people
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 should focus on studying for higher education and remuneration for their future and because it might be tough for them to spend their precious youth on what they want or like to do as getting married and living together can change their life completely. First of all, when it comes to marriage, one of the problems that teenagers can face is a financial problem. Generally, the young have less
money
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 than adults who have a
stayble
Correct your spelling
stable
 career
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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because their focus should be on studying, not on earning a large number of
money
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. When
people
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 are trying to hold a wedding party, it usually costs substantially, which can be an ordeal since their average salary per month as a
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
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 job is not an affordable amount to materialize a wedding ceremony.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
time
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 is
valueable
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valuable
, especially when they are young, even if they do not have
money
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, they have
a
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apply
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plenty of
time
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 to spend on what they like, ranging from studying whatever subject they like to consuming their
time
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 on their hobbies
such
Linking Words
 as reading a book and hanging out with their friends.
This
Linking Words
 is simply because after getting married and
settle
Wrong verb form
settling
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 down with someone they love, it can be more difficult to behave in a favourable way
that
Correct word choice
than
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 they would like to as having a family demands a great deal of
cooporation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
 with their partner. In conclusion, some
people
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 say that the age limitation on marriage should be exerted and should be over 21, and I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it is never
late
Rephrase
too late
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 to get married after saving a certain amount of
money
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 and because they should consume their
time
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 on their priority when they are in youth.

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments clearly. For instance, you might include statistics or studies that show the consequences of marriage at a young age. This will make your points more persuasive and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the overall flow of your essay. Some sentences could be linked more smoothly to better guide the reader through your ideas. Transition phrases can help with this.
language accuracy
Check for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'stayble' which should be 'stable', and 'valueable' which should be 'valuable'. Paying attention to these details can enhance the professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
You have a clear position in your introduction, which makes it easy for the reader to understand your stance on the topic right away.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally good, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in the logical progression of ideas and makes your argument easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
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