IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that government should be held reponsible when proplem of homelessness and unemployment arise. Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that some believe the government is responsible when problems like homelessness and unemployment appear. I agree with the idea because the Government have many powers and controls many different systems that can affect people's lives,
although
Linking Words
 they have their own responsibilities
Firstly
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, homelessness is often related to the high prices of houses. These are issues that the authorities control. If the rent of houses is too high, many are going to live in very poor conditions or maybe in the city , sleeping in the streets. The state can help with that,
for example
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 building public houses and offering financial support to people.
Secondly
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, employment is influenced by the ruler's decisions. And those who need to try to improve their skills and find a good job,
this
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 number depends on the country; it is easier to find 10s in a developed country like France or Spain , but in Senegal or Peru is difficult. The state can encourage and create companies to help;
for instance
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, ONCE in Spain helps blind people find work.
However
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, it is again true that the state is not only responsible. Those who need to develop their abilities, train them and search for different opportunities. But if the rulers do not support, even if you try, it is going to be very difficult to find stable work and a home.
To conclude
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, I agree that the government need to be responsible when homelessness and unemployment appear.
Also
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, effort is important to achieve their goals.

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structure
Be very clear at the start. State your view and what you will say.
coherence
Make ideas more connected. Use linking words like 'First', 'Next', 'Also', 'But'.
content
Give more strong examples to back each point. Use one main example per point.
language
Check small grammar mistakes and fixed verb forms to help understand.
content
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
coherence
There are clear steps in the argument using 'First' and 'Second'.
content
There is a balance about government and people's own work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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