IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Most modern family have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problem can this cause?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is irrefutable that
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 are working nowadays so
children
Use synonyms
 are not able to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Tn
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 shall discuss the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and the problems that could happen. Undoubtedly , there are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of reasons why
children
Use synonyms
 can not spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
to begin
Linking Words
 with, most of the
parents
Use synonyms
 have
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 tight schedule of working . They have to go
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 in the morning and they come back home in the evening .
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can not manage their
time
Use synonyms
 to play or sit with their kids.
to
Capitalize word
To
show examples
 add to it,
both
Use synonyms
 father and mother
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 very tired after a long day of working and when they come home , they usually like to sleep or
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rest for which they can not find
time
Use synonyms
 to look after their
children
Use synonyms
. Some
parents
Use synonyms
 have to work on
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
also
Linking Words
. so, they left their
children
Use synonyms
 alone or with
nanny
Add an article
a nanny
the nanny
show examples
 at home. There are many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 that can cause because of
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, most of the
children
Use synonyms
 suffer from depression and anxiety as they can not spend sufficient
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is commonly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 kind of child sometimes
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 very poor performance in academic studies . As
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 are busy with their work life, they can not look after their
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 academic results.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is easy for a child to commit
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 when their
parents
Use synonyms
 are not around.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by the United States proves that 35% of the crimes committed by
children
Use synonyms
 were because of improper parenting, as most of the working
parents
Use synonyms
 are not sitting and spending
time
Use synonyms
 with them.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it can be said that, kids are facing plenty of problems when
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 are working. these problems should be mitigated soon .
Parents
Use synonyms
 should allocate more
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with
children
Use synonyms
 by talking with them about daily life, going
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vacation,
helping
Correct word choice
and helping
show examples
 them to do their homework.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will definitely increase family bonding and will
also
Linking Words
 help the
children
Use synonyms
 to reach success in their lives and to uplift their studies and
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider revising grammatical errors and typos to improve overall clarity, such as 'irrefutable' instead of 'irrefutable', and 'children can not' to 'children cannot'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more varied sentence structures to enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, try combining some shorter sentences to create more complex sentences.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or statistics to support your points more robustly. While you mentioned a survey, elaborating on how it connects to your main argument would be beneficial.
task achievement
Strengthen your conclusion by restating the main points more clearly and suggesting specific actions that could be taken by parents to address the issue.
content
The essay addresses an important societal issue and provides a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The arguments presented are relevant and reflect a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual incomes
  • long hours
  • childcare
  • cultural shifts
  • career advancement
  • professional development
  • work-life balance
  • 24/7 work culture
  • technological advancements
  • sacrificing
  • emotional development
  • social skills
  • family bonding
  • mental health impacts
  • parenting challenges
What to do next:
Look at other essays: